The Code of Practice

[Bleedin Thumb]

Problem solved in a half-arsed blokely way

IS there any other way? As blokes we are condemned to have to live, breath and think like this.
But do we complain? No

Often we are criticised for these very traits by the fairer sex.
If they realised the pain that is caused by the dilemma of perfectionist vs blokeyness then surely we would see more empathy.

PS I hope you have removed those curtains Cliff.

[Cliff Rogers]

PS I hope you have removed those curtains Cliff.

Been gone for a while now, one was covering a window where I needed to put a fan & the other was on the window in the wall than got clobbered by Larry. (Saved me a job. )
Please note how they are carefully stored.

[Poppa]

Superb. Excellent thread. The Code is just great. Well, from what I could tell in a quick glance anyway. Thanks to all who contributed.

[Thickasaplank]

Oh great and wonderous wood butchers, yes yea who have created this document of knowledge, let me bow before you, and humbly offer up my words of wisdom.

Let no bloke with multi coloured hair enter my shed. Let blokes only have hair the colour that the big man intended.

Let no discussion be entered into about hairstyles, or so called "product" (other than brill cream) within the confines of said shed. Such product that is needed to keep ones hair out of ones eyes shall be obtained by such blokey behavior as spitting on ones hand or in absolute emergencies see the film "there is something about Mary"

While at the barber shop, let no bloke utter more than "short back and sides" Any more discussion with the barber about hairstyles shall be deemed chappish, and will probably be followed by accepting fruity drinks with umbrellas in them.

Furthermore, unless absolutely certain of ones blokely stature, a mullet shall be considered to be a health hazard and shall be removed by any safety consious mate as soon as possible.

Thank you o oderous men of the wood for allowing my submission.

[mcarthur]

While at the barber shop, let no bloke utter more than "short back and sides" Any more discussion with the barber about hairstyles shall be deemed chappish, and will probably be followed by accepting fruity drinks with umbrellas in them.

Hey, I think "Number 3 please" is OK as well

Furthermore, unless absolutely certain of ones blokely stature, a mullet shall be considered to be a health hazard and shall be removed by any safety consious mate as soon as possible.

That's what a bandsaw's for

Rob

[Cliff Rogers]

OK... most of this has already been covered by other sections of The Code.

I would like to draw you attention to following
4.2. The purpose of a shed.
The purpose of a shed is to provide an environment and territory wherein a bloke has total and complete dominion and control and is therefore happy.

See the first paragraph of this section....
5. The Shed
What a bloke does in his shed is up to him (see para 3 – Definitions, sub para 3.2 – Shed and para 4 – Purposes, sub para 4.2 – The purpose of a shed). It is clear from these important sections of the Code of Practice that a bloke has complete control over all activities within his own shed. This is inviolable. However, the Code is designed to provide appropriate guidance (see para 1 – Scope). What follows in this section is intended to provide a bloke with some clear guidance. If a bloke chooses to ignore this guidance, well, he has that right but it would be a foolish bloke who knowingly transgresses the Code and commits a violation.


See also:
5.15. Hospitality. A bloke should make provision for entertaining his mates.


So, if you don't like his hair, he probably isn't your mate anyway so you don't have to be hospitable to him. Problem solved.

[Wild Dingo]

O
Let no discussion be entered into about hairstyles, or so called "product" (other than brill cream) within the confines of said shed. Such product that is needed to keep ones hair out of ones eyes shall be obtained by such blokey behavior as spitting on ones hand or in absolute emergencies see the film "there is something about Mary"

Brylbloodycream?? Get a flamin grip!! that went out with the dinosaurs mate! its Californian Poppy all the way mate!! slicks back slicker than a wet chick flat on her back

[MarkV]

Furthermore, unless absolutely certain of ones blokely stature, a mullet shall be considered to be a health hazard and shall be removed by any safety consious mate as soon as possible.

I have always thought that mullets were the ultimate expression of Blokeness in that Woman generally hate them they are a throwback to a gentler Era when most blokes couldn't even spell political correctness let alone attempt to interpret feeling emotions and stuff. Plus finally they generally look appalling!! You can't get more blokey that that surely??

[Driver]

... by such blokey behavior as spitting on ones hand....

You can't get more blokey that that surely??

Gents

At the risk of appearing a tad over-conscientious, I should point out to you that the correct blokely term is "blokely".

"Blokey" is an expression used by SWMBOs and other non-blokes to describe activities engaged in by blokes. It's an expression which is only ever used by said SWMBOs when they wish to denigrate our blokely pursuits. Use by a bloke of this non-blokely expression doesn't automatically constitute a Code violation but I urge you to caution.

Col the Cautionary

[Cliff Rogers]

G'day Col, where have you been?

[Driver]

G'day Cliff

I've been here all along, mate. A bit busy however. Some mates asked me to help them start up a new business. It needs my full-time involvement for several months and I'm starting at around 4.00 am every day.

Good fun but very time-consuming!

Col

[Cliff Rogers]

Struth! What are you doing? Writing a code of practice for a bakery?

[Driver]

Struth! What are you doing? Writing a code of practice for a bakery?

No - but now you mention it .......

Actually, I've noticed the bakers are just about the only people who are already awake by the time I'm on my way to work (at the fruit and veg markets, by the way).

[Skew ChiDAMN!!]

Lemme guess.. you're doing temp work as the futch-up fairy, running around visiting various woodies' sheds in the wee hours, loosening screws on equipment, changing the clamping positions on overnight glue-ups and shortening one leg out of every four?

[Waldo]

Lemme guess.. you're doing temp work as the futch-up fairy, running around visiting various woodies' sheds in the wee hours, loosening screws on equipment, changing the clamping positions on overnight glue-ups and shortening one leg out of every four?

G'day,

If that's what's been goin' on, then no wonder Dingo has been having all this grief over his thicknesser. Damn Stuff-up Fairies.