"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation"

[TassieKiwi]

Theroux said this. I've had a ***** week, with SHMBO mostly. I wonder where the exiting sexy interesting hornbag that I married went, sometimes. Don't want to be a downer on you brilliant people, but am I alone with this (occasional) leaden feeling?

Don't get me wrong, as there has/is/will be good times with nippers etc...

Sometimes, the big o'le world is a bit too much.

Den

[echnidna]

You are not alone with this (occasional) leaden feeling.
How you handle it can affect your future.

[kiwigeo]

Theroux said this. I've had a ***** week, with SHMBO mostly. I wonder where the exiting sexy interesting hornbag that I married went, sometimes. Don't want to be a downer on you brilliant people, but am I alone with this (occasional) leaden feeling?

Don't get me wrong, as there has/is/will be good times with nippers etc...

Sometimes, the big o'le world is a bit too much.

Den

Sounds like a fairly average week in my household.....

For comparison heres an example of a bad day at my house:

1. have a huge barney with SHMBO 2 minutes before guests are about to arrive for a BBQ. She locks herself in the bedroom and announces that she wont be coming out untill the next day.
2. SHMBO finally comes to her senses and appears just as the first guests arrive.
3. Not out of the woods yet.....the mobile goes and its a femal aquaintance who I dont class as a good friend..very drunk and abusing me for not inviting her to the BBQ.
4. Okay what else can go wrong? Im standing at the BBQ with all the burners turned on full blast for 5 minutes before I press the ignition button. WOOOF!!! A giant wall of flame erupts from the BBQ and burns a large bald patch on my left arm. Great hoots of laughter from the guests and a stunned look from SHMBO.
5. Its dark outside so I cant see what colour the meat is. It looks ok on the barbie in the dark but when I get it inside its jet black.....more s...t from SHMBO.

Dealing with partners is really all about taking the bad with the good. IMHO humans are inherently polygamous like our nearest relatives the chimps and spending all your life with one person is just not natural. After two weeks at home with SHMBO Im hanging out to get back to work and the boss is just as happy to get rid of me. Nothing personal in it...we just know our limitations and acknowledge that we both need our own space at times.

[jackiew]

I wonder where the exiting sexy interesting hornbag that I married went, sometimes.
Den

I think what you want to worry about is whether she is asking herself " what happened to the gorgeous, attentive studmuffin that I married".

If you think about what happens when you're dating someone - you make an effort, you say nice things to them, you don't slag them off, you spent time with them - then think about what happens when you're married with kids - you both get home knackered and are more concerned with telling the other about the crap day that you've had rather than finding out about what kind of day they've had. All the faults get magnified. All the good bits get forgotten.

Got nothing to lose by trying to remember her good points and saying thankyou for the things she does even if you think they are her job to do anyway - remember if it all goes pear shaped and you split up - it will then be YOUR job. Got nothing to lose by making an effort to spend some quality time together even if its just going for a walk and holding hands. BTW I'm not suggesting for a moment that its your fault at all ... I'm just saying that if you do your best to act towards someone like they are the best thing since sliced bread they usually respond favourably.

and yes wondering what went wrong occasionally is perfectly normal and echidna is perfectly correct its how you handle it that matters.

[JackoH]

All sounds perfectly normal to me.

[arose62]

Tassie,

I've been "this close" to writing a farewell on this board, as we've been in a "leaden feeling" period for a while.

SWMBO has even taken to sabotaging any project I mention I'd like to do; ie: if I say I'd like to make a stove for the 2yo daughter, next day K-mart says "thanks for your money". Etc, etc.

No chrissie present for me, no birthday present, no Fathers Day present....

Will be interesting to see if there's an anniversary present. Of course, it's been made clear what I'll be buying her!

Not to end on negative note, I'm still here, and would recommend "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus", particularly the part about how they keep score!!!!

Cheers,
Andrew

[gatiep]

Hey Guys & Girls,

Been there, been through it, 35 years now. The simple saying: "It takes 2 to tango" holds true.

Life is about giving and expecting nothing or very little in return. Only by giving will you receive. If you give , you can bet that you'll get in return. I'm not suggesting that it is easy, it isn't, but remember all the trouble you went too dating. I bet both of you are not putting that much effort into making for a smooth finish. The worst time ever to make a comment or even try to reply to something your partner has said is when you or your partner is upset.......I wish lotto was as predictable as the fight you are heading for.

When courting we see a beautiful 'rose' and only this rose that we are obsessed with. Ever thought about it that when you go to the nursery and buy a rose, it comes in a pot with compost! So once your married and the excitement etc etc has vanished, you start noticing more and more of the compost and less of the rose. A very true fact to realise however is that you were also a 'rose' to her and guess what: You came with your own compost. Toil in her and your compost , both of you, maybe that beautiful rose will bud again.

It takes effort and sweat from both parties.
.
Back to the first paragraph: "It takes two to tango". So if If you want to tango, make sure you turn on good music!

Life is not all sweet and roses but surely beats the alternative.

Enjoy your weekend

[ozwinner]

Gees, lighten up people.


Al

[bitingmidge]

Gees, lighten up people.


Al

Well for what it's worth, last night I remarked to my beloved:

"Wow! A whole weekend in the shed with no interruptions, do you know how many new projects I can start in two whole days?? "

She got this sort of coy look I haven't seen since before we had kids, and said (and this is absolutely word for word):

"I love you".

No prizes for guessing what was coming next.

She leaned over, quietly whispered in my ear, and gently let me down. :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:

"Actually" she said in that sort of panting voice women get when they feel a bit stressed, "we have guests for breakfast Saturday, two more arriving at lunch, another for dinner, (two of them to stay overnight) and a couple of friends from Bali arriving mid-morning Sunday and they're staying Monday too!!!"

(She did apologise...seems she was too busy talking to all of them to actually remember to tell me!)

After reading the above, should we, dear readers, have taken advantage of her misdemeanour in the manner in which we did??

Or should I have sulked off to the shed for the whole weekend anyway?

Nothing started yet in the shed so far this weekend by the way!!

Cheers,

P

[Rocker]

One of the advantages of being somewhat elderly is that your mid-life crisis is behind you. The good news is that, even though you may have an episode of depression, it may not last that long, and you may find happiness later in life. That has been my experience, anyway.

Rocker

[Sturdee]

Nothing started yet in the shed so far this weekend by the way!!

I think you did the right thing , next time you foul up by forgetting something she'll remember this and be more forgiving. Give and take really.

In any case you would have only started a few more projects. :eek: Maybe it would be different if you were going to finish some projects.


Peter.

[kiwigeo]

One of the advantages of being somewhat elderly is that your mid-life crisis is behind you. The good news is that, even though you may have an episode of depression, it may not last that long, and you may find happiness later in life. That has been my experience, anyway.

Rocker

My experience too Rocker. When I look back on my life I would say that up untill my mid 30s things havent generally gone as planned and there were some exceptionally bad years. I also harboured a morbid fear of the looming "mid life crisis".

Well it hasnt happened and in general Im actually enjoying being middle aged....

[kiwigeo]

Theroux said this. I've had a ***** week, with SHMBO mostly. I wonder where the exiting sexy interesting hornbag that I married went, sometimes. Don't want to be a downer on you brilliant people, but am I alone with this (occasional) leaden feeling?

Don't get me wrong, as there has/is/will be good times with nippers etc...

Sometimes, the big o'le world is a bit too much.

Den

Den, Ive read your posting over a few times and I really think the problem isnt with you or your partner....youre simply not doing enough woodwork.

Time to head out to the workshop mate and forget about the woes of the world.

PS: youre not getting homesick for the motherland by any chance are you? Is a common reason for my occasional flat spots.

[bitingmidge]

I think you did the right thing , next time you foul up by forgetting something she'll remember this and be more forgiving. Give and take really.

In any case you would have only started a few more projects. :eek: Maybe it would be different if you were going to finish some projects.

Peter,

Thanks, but let me assure all, while the incident is absolutely true as is the reporting, my reaction is very much tongue in cheek!!

After 30 something years, I know where I get my jollies!!!

Cheers,

P

[bitingmidge]

Den, Ive read your posting over a few times and I really think the problem isnt with you or your partner....youre simply not doing enough woodwork.

Den,

Make a pact with yourself to start four projects every weekend for the next year... that ought to get you through it!!

Cheers,

P