The Rip in the Fabric of the Universe ...

[Caliban]

he was, in fact, sans foilie(ah la Al ).
So covering up his nether regions he smiled and said ...

[Driver]

"Daddy!"

Chocolate was astonished.

"I'm astonished!" he said. "How on earth..."

[Caliban]

did you know that?
And why are you naked?
Well he said, it all started when...

[echnidna]

... I took a trip on a train and met....

[Driver]

... some people who told me I might find a chap called Fellatio Hornblower aboard this very odd vessel."

At the mention of the name Hornblower, Chocolate Le Clair gave a start (Actually, he hauled a starting pistol from his trenchcoat pocket and fired it. Three hamsters took off along the taffrail at a helluva clip but no-one else paid any attention. This, after all, was the poop deck of the Very Little Gravitas Indeed).

Frontbottom continued:

"Hornblower was supposed to be able to tell me where I might find you, Daddy. So I came aboard."

(Dear Reader, a description of Frontbottom's arrival aboard the Very Little ... can be found in Post #396).

"Listen," said Chocolate. "Listen...er, Major, is it? You keep calling me Daddy. Bit worried about this, actually. Can't imagine where or when I might have fathered a bloody Royal Marine. I mean, y'know .... used to put meself about a bit, of course, we-e-e-lll, I mean, you do, don't you? But...."

There was a slightly embarrassed pause. Chocolate resumed.

"On the other hand," he said. "Couldn't help noticing that you mentioned Fellatio Hornblower there, a minute ago. Knew him once. Knew his sister rather better. Very tasty little thing. Can't quite recall her name..."

Frontbottom stiffened.

"Can't quite remember her name? CAN'T QUITE REMEMBER HER BLOODY NAME! YOU PILLOCK! YOU ....."

[Caliban]

...cad, you bounder, you...you...you ...

[ozwinner]

..........What did you do to Hovo?
With that..............

[Driver]

... with that, Chocolate gave another start (out with the starting pistol: BANG! - three more hamsters took off along the taffrail).

Chocolate had remembered her name.

"I've remembered her name!" he said. "Fellatio's sister! I've just remembered her name. It was Connie. That's it. Connie Hornblower!"

"That's right," said Frontbottom with a bitter, ironic smile. "At last he remembers!"

"Little Connie Hornblower!" said Le Clair, lost in a nostalgic reverie. "Lovely girl. I wonder how she is these days."

"Mother's quite well, thank you," said Frontbottom stiffly. "She recently re-married. Chap called Langrishe, actually. So she's now Connie Langrishe."

"Well, well," said Chocolate. "That's..."

[Caliban]

..about the bottom of the barrell as far as puns go...

[Driver]

"What do you think, Hieronymus?" said Hector the hamster.

"We-e-ll," said Hieronymus. "I've heard worse. That cunning linguist gag's getting a bit tired. About four out of ten for endeavour, I'd say."

"Speaking of Endeavour," said Hector. "SAIL HO! And it looks very much like Cook's vessel!"

He pointed to a wide-beamed, tough-looking three-master about two points off the port quarter and bearing down on the Very Little Gravitas Indeed.

"SAIL HO!" he yelled again. "Cook's vessel!"

"Doesn't look anything like a cooking vessel!" said Groans. "Looks more like a three-masted collier to me."

With that....

[Caliban]

all the hamsters were shocked.
"We're shocked" they chortled."We were expecting Groans to say 'What did 'e say' instead of his very eloquent reply."
The crew were more surprised than the hamsters.
"We're more surprised than you guys", they said. "We had trouble hearing you, so why was Groans suddenly cured of his deafness?"
"I heard that" said Groans.
"It's a miracle" said Roger, (Vc and Bar etc)
"More to the point" said Frontbottom, "Why is Captain Cook suddenly off our starboard bow, pretending to be a Klingon?"...

[echnidna]

... thats obvious said Hieronymus pointing , "They have come to catch the Transcontinental Siberian Express from yonder train station. At that they heard a shrill......

[Iain]

noise as the hard drive seized at the sheer absurdity of this ongoing frivolity.
The frivolity drive was overloaded and the Frivolity Master was none other than, experienced in all matters relating to time and frivolous travel, the one and only.................

[fxst]

taaaaaadaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...................Renee a frenchman of great courage (having to listen to the singing of his wife he had to be) and I will only sat this once but I found..........

[Caliban]

the doctor, who...