Story time with uncle Dave

[Dennis Hill]

...a wonderous candle-stick holder with provision for 6 candles aranged in a...........

[fxst]

circular fashion about the bench and a priest to use on ..........

[JackoH]

...sundays to.....

[Dazza007]

... drown liitle babies in stagnent water and force bits a make believe bread and watered down plonk down the throats of unsuspecting church going public. Yuk, fancy being told your eating a dead persons body and blood! That gives me the creeps!

[Dennis Hill]

At least canibals eat people that are recently deceased, not left on the shelf for 2000 or so years.

[DaveInOz]

thinking of that other famous carpenter (not Karen) jolted our hero to recolections of his time as an apprentice working for ....

[Dazza007]

.... G.O.D (Girls On Dykes inc) building an ark. It was to a grant ark too, measuring 20 cubits by 40 cubits, with three decks a gaming loundge and three swimming pools! Trouble was, nobody knew what a "cubit" was as this is the year 2003 and a cubit was a measurement of ancient biblical times. So .........

[JackoH]

...Noah in his wisdom consulted that fount of all knowledge on things made of wood; the prophet St Neil, (or U to give him his biblical title)
"Behold said U, I have been up the mount and brought forth "The Polishers Bible" If you consult page 170 all your questions will be answered, for page 170 contains all the important measurements known to man"
And the apprentice Noah was verily pleased and forthwith, forsooth, did.......

[Geoff Egan]

As apprentices do, crafted himself a highly polished rule divided into cubits, centicubits and milicubits with which to

[Dennis Hill]

measure the foundations for the said "floating gin palace". Sadly for the young aprentice, the plans were read down-side-up, so the magnificent boat became the world's first multi-story entertainment centre with a curved, boat-shaped roof, in which were held ........

[Dazza007]

.... a variety of high-rollers brough forth into the Ark two-by-two of which included his ......

[macca2]

very well known two lovely young ladies from previous days disguised as beautiful birds trying to get back into the story only to be confronted by their old adversary Dazza who promptly....................

[Dennis Hill]

....declared them to be ilegal imigrants and consigned them to a holding cage at the new facility at Womera where they would be........

[Dazza007]

... incarcerated for the remainder of this story, never to heard from again. Meanwhile back on the new improved inverted "floating Gin Palace", the stakes were high as a new member of the 'High-Rollers' club layed .........

[Dennis Hill]

...siege to the gaming tables where they cast lots for the honour of being the first to..........
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(Thank heavens those dashed blondes have gone for a while!)