The Rip in the Fabric of the Universe ...

[Driver]

"I'm here," declared Miss M. "to discover the solution to the mystery."

"But no-one has been murdered!" said Roger (VC and Bar).

"No indeed," said Miss Marple. "The mystery to which I refer, young man, is the mystery surrounding the teacher Susan and her pupils."

Everyone looked astonished.

"The mystery," said the spinterish little detective. "As to why, if they are all automatons, ffortescue (with two small effs) has a father who is a neuro-surgeon. Or, come to that, any sort of father at all!"

There was a collective drawing-in of breath. (There's that word collective again and still no sign of the knicker-hatted terpsichorean troupe!).

"Well..." said Sally before she was, once more, interrupted by ffortescue (with two small effs) ....

[fxst]

"Look out Miss here comes that knicker-hatted terpsichorean troupe!." and with that ...................

[echnidna]

... some very loud terpsichorean activities broke out , causing Miss Marples to grab ffortescue (with two small effs) by the hand and ......

[Driver]

... whirl across the ballroom floor (where the hell did the ballroom come from?) in a spirited and distinctly un-Miss Marple-like tango.

There was a burst of spontaneous ....

[fxst]

dancing and suddenly they found themselves on a train heading to no where in particular and Miss Sally venture to say.....

[echnidna]

I wonder if the band could play a "Pride Of Erin"....

[Driver]

... but she got no further. With a tremendous syncopated clattering, the Hole in the Drawers Collective, shod (collectively) in clogs and wearing - with almost impossible, dauntless, foolhardy courage, a pair of the Mother Farcquar's more voluminous bloomers atop their collective noggins, burst forth onto the poop deck and executed a chorus-line version of the main dancing theme from Riverdance.

All that was missing was an appearance by that upimself Irish Yank, Moichael O'Flatulence.

"All that's missing," said Roger (VC and Bar). "is an appearance by that upimself Irish Yank, Moichael O'Flatulence!"

Scarcely had the words left his lips when, with a tearing noise, the Rip parted and O'Flatulence himself, arms akimbo, pranced onto the poop.

"Bugger!" said .....

[JohnM]

everyone

[echnidna]

.... lets get outta here and go for a trip on the Trans-Siberian Express..........

[Caliban]

there was a trrible rending noise which everyone knew was just the rip doing its thing when suddenly, from somewhere near Kempsey, NSW came a horrible, deformed creature. Clad in a red flannelette shirt, scratching his beard and telling tales of woe from the trans Siberian Adventure.
"Hovo is dead !" he screamed.
"Felled by the axe of deletion, never to return."
Sadly, however, the force is not to be defeated so easily and the horrible pitiful creature you see before you is his reincarnation. Caliban, the tempestuous beast. Hovo tried to warn you of the dangers of the rip in the fabric of the universe. Now he is its latest victim. Dragged behind a speeding train across frozen tundra would have killed someone less powerful in the force of the rip, but like Roger, he is at his most dangerous when he is dead.
Hovo is gone and only this sad creature remains. After this post no mention will ever be made of the poor fool again.

[fxst]

HEY EVERY BODY hOVOS DEAD.............alas poor hove er who cares
anyway lets head for the rip and the train and then we will.............

[craigb]

Chapter Eight

Algernon Frontbottom awoke feeling a little queer.
At first though, he couldn't quite put his finger on it.

The roll of the Very Little Gravitas Indeed felt exactly the same as it had every other morning he'd woken aboard the most peculiar vessel he'd ever encountered.

The morning sun warmed him as it had done many a time before.
And the sounds of the jolly Jack Tars cavorting in the rigging was almost homely.

And yet, and yet, something just didn't feel quite right.

Stretching luxuriously, Frontbottom opened his eyes to a sight that horrified him so much that he was rendered speechless.

For he had seen.....

[echnidna]

.. a computer monitor displaying the Ubeaut bulletin board.

In a flash he realised he was only a figment of someone's imagination.

The horror of it swept home when he realised the author (or should I say his daddy) was none other than .......

[Caliban]

...it is eye, le Claire...

[craigb]

"Chocolate" Le Clair, the completely unknown Belgian detective.

"Monsieur" said Chocolate as he cast a supercilious eye over Frontbotom, "It appears that you 'ave neglected your dress'.

Frontbottom cast his eyes southward and was absolutely appalled to find that....