The Rip in the Fabric of the Universe ...

[Iain]

held his phallic rod up high and shouted 'May the Farce be with you', MF saw the phallic rod and ignoring the statement due to her lust for phallic intruments, climbed aboard the erotic intrument profered.
Oooooohhh she screamed, this is better than...........................

[Driver]

... whipped out of his back pocket a DVD copy of "Fawlty Towers" and inserted it into what appeared to be a slot in his father's boot. However, ...

[craigb]

instead of it being a copy of Fawlty Towers, it turned out to be a compendium of old Benny Hill episodes.

This had the rather alarming effect of making Varth suddenly begin to chase the Mother Farcquar around the deck in rather manic manner, as if his and hers movements had been unnaturally speeded up.

What was even sranger was that there emenated from Varth's nether regions a musical accompaniment to this escapade that went:

Da Da Dada Dada, Da da Dada Dada (and so on).

The rest of the crew, and especially Frontbottom watched in horror struck fascination.

Roger (Vc &c) ...

[fxst]

said right me messmates while they are busy we will slip moorings and take this vessel to the restaurant at the end of the universe and try to........

[Iain]

divert the waiters attention and make off without paying.
The plan was doomed to fail for the restaurant, being in the future, knew what was about to befall them and called the intergalactic police.
The Chief Commissioner was a direct descendant of MF and the rest of the inbred crew, and upon their arrival he issued them with....................

[Driver]

... an indictment for failing to leave anything to their descendants in their wills.

"You were all the same, you bloody lot!" he said. "You spent our inheritances while you were still alive. So, instead of your descendants being able to live our lives in the hedonistic pursuit of pleasure, we were condemned to having to work for a living! Bastards!"

"Huh!" said Master Bates. "You call us bastards! I happen to know for a fact that I was never married to your great great great great grandmother!"

"Well, never mind all that. What are you going to do about it?" said the Chief Commissioner.

The Mother Farcquar was about to respond when, to everyone's astonishment, there was an enormous ...

[fxst]

fart from the poop deck and there stood captain Nemo....alright you scurvy layabouts break out the plank and while your at it tie up MF and ................

[Driver]

"Hang on!" came the loud cry (from Roger VC & Bar, amongst others). "The last time we saw you was on a postcard from somewhere near the South Pole. You were a penguin and you were lying down - somewhat tired and emotional or, as the Australian members of the crew would have it: p!ssed. Here's the postcard, (see below, Dear Reader). What happened?"

"Well," said Nemo. "I ..."

He was interrupted by Halfrit Sponcracker, doing something that the crew found very odd. He was bowing. Actually bending at the waist and lowering his head in the direction of Nemo.

"President Glorsprang!" said Sponcracker. "We await your ..."

[la Huerta]

"command" he replied with a stuned look "me, crickey ! why are you bowing to me , i have been a fool , i am not worthy of such respect, i have no honor, no gradatude, no loyalty, no"...

[Caliban]

"... idea of spelling or punctuation, no respect for the laws of physics, no undertstanding of etiquette- I mean I was pi33ed in that photograph for the postcard and I believe I was just vulgar right here on the world wide web- You must all stop bowing to me and join me as I bow to Roger (VC and bar, Dc and scar etc), he is the only one who has proven himself worthy of respect around here!"
"What'd he say?" said Groans.
"Well...," began Stains, "It seems that...

[fxst]

the Yardbyrds are having a party with the Dave Clark 5 and Elvis is hosting it aty gracelands and said if Roger (VC Bar & Grill) is going to.............

[la Huerta]

...supply the food and grog then we'll bow to him" ..."wait wait wait" said nemo, "thats not what i mean, Roger is the only one here that still has his pride, Roger i think it's time you took charge and led these misfits outa here ...(big voice from nemo) today is the day of redemption, and we shall all forfill our destiny and do what we are meant to do, we will go to Madagascar and find the jewel of the..................

[Iain]

Vile, that little known creek in the back blocks of Madagascar, for it is written that he (or she) that holds the stone also has the power to be at one with the universe after he (or she) has a consumed a cup of it's nectar that has filtered through generations of old car bodies, dead sheep etc.
Armed with shovels and sieves Nemo and crew set 4th (?) in search of the jewel...................

[Driver]

... leaving a mixed group on the poop.

The group on the poop included Roger (VC and Bar), Frontbottom, Leading Artificer Groans (who hadn't heard much of the preceding conversation), the Master: Bates by name, several time-serving seamen who didn't want to go to Madagascar on a jewel-hunting expedition and Halfrit Sponcracker and a bunch of his droids.

Sponcracker was a bit nonplussed. To no-one's great surprise, he said:

"I'm a bit nonplussed. That bloke claiming to be Nemo didn't really convince me. I mean, sure - he looked like Nemo and his voice was the same as Nemo's but all that humble deferring to Roger VC and Bar and being apologetic about his holiday with the penguins? That didn't strike me as the kind of thing we have come to expect from Glorsprang Nemo at all. He's an arrogant @rsehole most of the time. Never heard him apologise for anything!"

Roger VC and Bar was sceptical, too.

"I'm sceptical, too," he said. "I've only known Nemo as captain of the Very Little Gravitas Indeed but I agree. Arrogant @rsehole! Nothing humble about him!"

"What'd 'e say?" said Groans.

Just then ....

[craigb]

just then the group on the Poop noticed that there was some sort of disturbance going on forard.

"Staines" ordered Roger (VC &c) "get your lazy backside forward at once and find out what the devil is going on!"

"Your a fine one to be talking about forward backsides" thought Staines as he hurried to obey saying "Aye Aye Cap'n" in as cheerful a voice as he could muster.

"Well?" asked Roger, "'what is it?"

"Sir" returned Staines, "I can clearly see Fellatio in the forecastle!"

"Damn your eyes man" exclaimed Roger, "What the Devil do you mean?"

"Well" said Staines.....