The Rip in the Fabric of the Universe ...

[Driver]

... surprise of that couple.

If Moby Dick had fallen on anyone else - Captain Ahab, for example - he would have flattened them. However, as has been frequently observed throughout this narrative, the Mother Farcquar was made of very durable material (and bloody huge quantities of it). Her new terpsichorean, tomahawk-wielding partner, Young Beating Stick, was also a tough and uncompromising sort of a cove.

Consequently they were only surprised, not flattened by the sudden intrusion of the Great White Whale into their tango.

Moby Dick, on the other hand, was more than surprised. He was flabbergasted.

"I'm flabbergasted!" he said. "What the hell am I doing on board ship, being trampled upon by this terrible-looking woman and bloody Chingachcook here?"

"What'd 'e say?" said Groans.

"Never mind what he said!" said Sponcracker. "The fact that he spoke at all is the main issue here! He's a bloody whale, for heaven's sake!"

"Here!" said Moby. "I would like to ..."

[craigb]

Sadly, what Moby would have (or of for SC) liked to do, we'll never know. Because on the instant of that unecpected utterance, he was hit by an exploding harpoon form a Japanese whaling vessle that had hove into view unnoticed.

"Arrrggh, gurgle,splutter" went poor Moby.

While meanwhile, on the whaling ship Hirahito, Toshiro Mafuni was about to say...

[Rusty]

"Oh, *****, missed!" Toshiro san had been tracking Mother Farquar for months, hellbent on vengeance after MF had bitten off his left knacker- now replaced by a whale ivory prosthetic excellently scrimshandered with a saucy likeness of Amanda Vanstone and gleaming with a coat of...a nad-specific polish of which the name escapes me - turning from his mounted spyglass he barked an order to the helmsman...

[fxst]

woof woof woof but as any one with knowledge of inscutable orientals the helmsman fired up the BBQ and headed for the inscrutable.......

[arose62]

Professor Takahashi, and asked him which scientific experiment he'd like from today's menu.

Meanwhile, the harpoon crew manned the capstan, and retrieved the harpoon, grunting with effort, as it was stuck through a huge lump of ...

[craigb]

Whale.

"Bloody hell" said Shintaro "Whale meat again!"

[Iain]

However, as luck would have it, it was not whale but simply an anchovie on steroids...........................

[Driver]

"Would you like to up-size that and take it as a Special Meal Deal?" said Rodeeuro-san, the Nipponese cabin-boy-san. "What drink would you like?"

Professor Takahashi shook his head and said ...

[Iain]

I'll have a Sake thick shake.
Meanwhile on the Venus Maru the skipper was contemplating what he had just stumbled upon, 'Aaah, onnable ship massa' he said half expecting a response in BBC Fronch................

[Driver]

... and, never one to disappoint, Crabtree loomed into his vision, his normally lugubrious expression slightly softened in anticipation of the sort of welcome he had been denied during several recent interjections into the narrative:

"Good moaning!" quoth he. "Muy aye hoolp?"

"Arigato!" said the skipper. "Need help unnerstanding insterructions for use of new non-digital, non-electronic navigational device!"

He pointed to the compass binnacle topped, as it was, with an ornate 19th century magnetic compass.

"How, prease, is this working? Where are the "On" switch?"

Crabtree gazed at the compass for a moment and then ...

[Iain]

discreetly stuck a magnet on the side in the hope of reducing the cast in this overcrowded set.
The needle swung to False North and the Venus Maru headed off into the sunset, well, it wasn't really, it was the glow from a large bushfire in the distance as the sunset was in the East (remember boys and girls, anything can happen here).
The skipper shouted 'Nor Ho' and was never seen or heard from again, except for a small obituary in the Tokyo Rising Moon which read......................

[Driver]

"Sayonara, loser-san."

The obituary was written by the skipper's brother-in-law, a fat bastard without a seagoing bone in his body. He had always envied the skipper for his laconic maritime manner.

Meanwhile ....

[fxst]

MF rid herself of the anchovie on steriods and Beating stick and as she shook herself the whole ship .........

[echnidna]

... shook violently waking up the hamsters who rushed out enmass. They promptly picked up MF and threw her overboard again. Then they picked up all the ships garbage and threw it down on her until she sank out of sight, shouting that you find another ship to haunt and leave us in peace.

[fxst]

but unbeknown to the hampsters amongst the rubbish was a brace and 1" bit boardwhich MF grabbed and proceeded to drill a hole in the hull which did not auger well for the hampsters and other denzions on the sinking vessel. Suddenly Roger DC VC and Glenfiddich on ice said....