my last 2 jokes, someone will be pleased

[Gino]

"How Old Am I?"

A man decides to have a face-lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and
feels really good about the results. On his way home, he stops at a
newsstand and buys a paper. Before leaving, he says to the sales clerk, "I
hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?"

"About 35," was the reply.

"I'm actually 47," the man says, feeling really happy.

After that, he goes into McDonalds for lunch and asks the clerk the same
question.

The reply is, "Oh, you look about 29".

"I am actually 47."

Later, while standing at a bus stop, he asks an old woman the same
question.

She replies, "I am 85 years old, and my eyesight is going. But when I was
young, there was a sure way of telling a man's age. If I put my hand down
your pants and play with your testicles for 10 minutes, I will be able to tell
you your exact age."

As there was no one around, the man thinks "What the hell!", and lets her
slip her hand down his pants.

Ten minutes later, the old lady says, "Okay, it's done. You are 47."

Stunned, the man says, "That was brilliant. How did you do that?"

The old lady smiles at him and replies, "I was behind you at McDonalds."

Once upon a time there was a frog who lived in a lake all by himself. He had been given special powers by a local witch. One day he finally ventured out of the lake to get his first glimpse of the world outside.
The first thing he saw was a bear chasing a rabbit, and so he called out to them and asked them to stop. Then he said to them: "I am a magical frog and since you are the first two animals I have ever seen, I am going to grant you both three wishes.
You will each take turns using them and you have to use them now." The bear (being greedy) went first. "I would like for every bear in this forest to be female except for me."
A magical sound and it was done.
Then the rabbit. "I would like a helmet."
This confused both the frog and the bear, but after a magical sound there was a helmet.
It was the bear's turn again. "I would like for every bear in the neighboring
forest to be female."
A magical sound and it was done.
The rabbit went again. "I would like a motorcycle."
Both the frog and the bear wondered why the rabbit didn't just ask for a lot of money with which he could buy himself a motorcycle, but after a magical sound there was a motorcycle.
The bear took his last wish. "I would like for all the bears in the world to be
female except for me."
A magical sound and it was done.
The rabbit then put on his helmet, started up the motorcycle, and said
"I wish the bear was gay" and took off like a bat out of hell.


only 1 gino


[This message has been edited by (edited 15 January 2001).]

[John Saxton]

Don't sell yourself short Gino,you've provided countless people with a laugh over the last couple of days and I would like to see someone having a go at topping your effort.
Thanks for the smile you put on folks faces!
Cheers

------------------
Johnno

[Gino]

Thanks again john, your an all right bloke.

[RETIRED]

I have had a good laugh as well but now I know what other boards you frequent

[Iain]

Must be a public servant, I unfortunately can't spend that much time on the PC, well, not woody sites anyway.

[Gino]

You're both wrong I get all these jokes sent to me via a work collegue, he's the pervert, then theres my brother in law and even the wife! Public servent I wish!!!

Glad you like them.

regards

Gino