it won't be long

[Dr_Dewey]

Stolen from my friend Bodger:

A very elderly gentleman, (mid nineties) very well dressed, hair well
groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel smelling slightly of a
good after shave, presenting a well looked after image, walks into an
upscale cocktail lounge. Seated at the bar is an elderly looking lady,
(mid eighties). The gentleman walks over, sits along side of her, orders a
drink, takes a sip, turns to her and says, "So tell me, do I come here
often?"
*****************************************

An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.
He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set
of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly
gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your
hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear
again." The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just
sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three
times!"
**********************************************

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench
under a tree when one turns to the other and says... "Slim, I'm 83 years
old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you' re about my age.
How do you feel?"
Slim says, "I feel just like a new-born baby."
"Really!? Like a new-born baby!?"
"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.
*******************************************************

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating,
the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were
talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it
was really great. I would recommend it very highly."
The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?"
The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What is the name of
that flower you give to someone you love? You know... the one that's red
and has thorns."
"Do you mean a rose?"
"Yes, that's the one," replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen
and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last
night?"
*******************************************************************

Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being discharged.
However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly
gentleman--already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his
feet--who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital. After a
chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the
elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him. "I
don't know," he said. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of
her hospital gown."

[Kev Y.]

Dr_Dewey, I have to warn you NOT to tell tales about CHRISTOPHA here on the BB.

[Geoff Dean]

A retired Admiral and Army general who haven't seen each other in years meet at a retirement home. They chat for a while and one finally the general asks the admiral,

"So when was the last time you were intimate with a woman?"

The admiral replies, "About 1955."

The general says, "Gee that is a long time ago."

To which the admiral replies "I dunno about that, it's only 2130 now."