How God really created man

[munruben]

How man was really created

One day, in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God, "Lord, I have a problem!"

"What's the problem, Eve?"

"Lord, I know you created me and provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals and that hilarious comedic snake, but I'm just not happy."

"Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above.

"Lord, I am lonely, and I'm sick to death of apples."

"Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you."

"What's a man, Lord?"

"This man will be a flawed creature, with many bad traits. He'll lie, cheat, and be vainglorious; all in all, he'll give you a hard time. But ... he'll be bigger, faster, and will like to hunt and kill things. He will look silly when he's aroused, but since you've been complaining, I'll create him in such a way that he will satisfy your physical needs. He will be witless and will revel in childish things like fighting and kicking a ball about.

He won't be too smart, so he'll also need your advice to think properly."

"Sounds great," says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow. What's the catch, Lord?"

"Well ... you can have him on one condition."

"What's that, Lord?"

"As I said, he'll be proud, arrogant, and self-admiring... So you'll have to let him believe that I made him first. Just remember, it's our little secret...

You know,.... woman to woman."

[Batpig]

Aaggghhhh.... NNNNNOOOOOO!!!!!.... (Munch's "The Scream" Smiley here...)

Well, at least it explains why nothing makes sense in this world...
Gutwrenching, but otherwise not bad at all John...

Best Wishes,
Batpig.

[dennford]

Okay, just to even things up a little here is another version of the creation.



In the beginning God created day and night. He created day for footy matches, going to the beach.....
And BBQ's......
He created night for going prawning,sleeping And BBQ's,

and God saw that it was good.

On the Second Day, God created water....for surfing, swimming > > and BBQ's on the beach,
and God saw that it was good.

On the Third Day God created the Earth to bring forth plants to provide malt and yeast for beer and wood for BBQs,
and God saw that it was good..

On the Fourth Day God created animals and crustaceans for chops, sausages,steak and prawns for BBQ's,
and God saw that it was good.

On the Fifth day God created a Bloke to go to the footy, enjoy the beach, drink the beer and eat the meat and prawns at BBQ's,
and God saw that it was good.


On the Sixth Day God saw that the Bloke was lonely and needed someone to go to the footy, surf, drink beer, eat and stand around the barbie with.
So God created Mates, and God saw that they were good Blokes, and God saw that it was good.

On the Seventh Day God looked around at the twinkling barbie fires, heard the hiss of opening beer cans and the raucous laughter of all the Blokes. He smelled the aroma of grilled chops and sizzling prawns.
and God Saw that it was good .. ...Well.... Almost good.....

He saw that the Blokes were too tired to clean up and needed a rest.
So God created Sheilas to clean the house, to bear children, to wash, to cook and to clean the Barbie, and then God saw that it was not just good.....
It was better than that, it was Bl--dy Awesome!

IT WAS AUSTRALIA!!!!!

[Skew ChiDAMN!!]