rules men live by

[Gino]

Rules that men live by

All of us (men) keep getting is feedback about how women are smarter...women are superior... women are stronger. We won't contest that. But we will say, if they're so smart why can't they figure out these very simple things about us men. Very simple rules to follow and we'll be loving and content spouses/boyfriends.

"Rules to live together by"

1) Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.

2) If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

3) If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.

4) Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can
find the perfect present yet again!

5) If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. (Really, really listen to this one)

6) Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.

7) Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss
such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, farting, getting vomiting or monster trucks.

8) Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

9) Shopping is not a sport, and no, we're never going to think of it that way.

10) When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.
Really.

11) You have enough clothes.

12) You have too many shoes.

13) Crying is blackmail.

14) Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one: Subtle hints don't work. Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't work. Just say it!

15) No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries
on the calendar.

16) Peeing standing up is more difficult. We're bound to miss sometimes.
17) Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd be any
good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

18) Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

19) Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what
we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for

20) A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

21) Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what the hell they're saying anyway...)

22) Check your oil.

23) It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.
No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

24) Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.

25) All comments become null and void after 7 days.

26) If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways
makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

27) Let us ogle. We're going to look anyway; it's genetic.

28) You can either tell us to do something OR tell us how to do something
but not both.

29) Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.

30) ALL men see in only 16 colors. Peach is a fruit, not a color.

31) If it itches, it will be scratched.

32) If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's
wrong.

Simple enough, right?

Thank You

[Lignin]

Married, aren't you!!!!????

[damian]

Possibly not any more ?

I'm lucky.

She told me what she wanted for christmas, we went and bought and and she took it home. No wrapping involved.

She understands I sometimes need to be alone.

When I am thinking of buying something for me (like a $12K motorcycle I didn't need) she talked me into it.

I've also trained her not to talk to me about her feelings.

Women are variable, both from individual to individual and moment to moment. They are endlessly fascinating. It's not my fault you married the wrong one.

[Grumpy John]

If thongs count as shoes, then I've got 4 pairs .

[mic-d]

Some things never change, look how old the post is.
SWMBO says the title should be 'rules by which men live', so I think we can safely add a number 33 to the list.

Cheers
Michael

[Calm]

If thongs count as shoes, then I've got 4 pairs .

John i think they are underwear

Although i'm a y fronts myself

[tea lady]

If the head ache goes on for that long, some or all of the points on the list are wrong. Maybe even the fact you HAVE a list.

[Calm]

If the head ache goes on for that long, some or all of the points on the list are wrong. Maybe even the fact you HAVE a list.

TL we may not ask everyday if you still have it - just in case you didnt realise that.

[Grumpy John]

John i think they are underwear

Although i'm a y fronts myself

What! doesn't everyone wear their undies on their feet when the elastic goes?

[Calm]

What! doesn't everyone wear their undies on their feet when the elastic goes?

pay that one

[Allan at Wallan]

What! doesn't everyone wear their undies on their feet when the elastic goes?

And here was I thinking that thongs were thumthing
they thang at contherts.

Allan

[Ozkaban]

The end that's missing on that joke is:

Men don't actually mind sleeping on the couch - it's kinda like camping out...

Cheers,
Dave

[Jim Carroll]

The end that's missing on that joke is:

Men don't actually mind sleeping on the couch - it's kinda like camping out...

Cheers,
Dave

You have got to be jokin, I dont give up my bed for no one.

[tea lady]

You have got to be jokin, I dont give up my bed for no one.

Depends how comfy the couch is. Or how sharp her elbows are. Or how loud the snoring is.:gaa:

[Jim Carroll]

Depends how comfy the couch is. Or how sharp her elbows are. Or how loud the snoring is.:gaa:

The couch is for sitting on, elbows are not that sharp { not that i would budge anyway} I dont listen to snoring so no bother to me.

Actaully fixed the snoring and sleep apneoa by getting a mouth guard works a treat have a look here /http://www.sleep.net.au/