Ponderings

Here are a few things that have been bothering me of late. I just wondered if anybody can shed any light? Enquiring minds would like to know.

1. Do ants get a hit off caffeine?

I have in my office a waste bin. The only things that go into this bin are paper and the coffee grinds from my twice a day habit. In the weeks leading up to winter, I noticed a constant trail of ants from the window architrave, down the wall, along my desk, and down to the bin. Unless these ants have developed termite tastes for wood fibre, the only other thing they can have been stockpiling is coffee. Could an ant possibly view coffee as a foodstuff? Could they have become addicted to it? Is the possible future social problem in my local ant nest all my fault?

2. Just what emissions come out of my PC?

I have a radio here on which I listen to Radio National. I get rather ordinary reception here and there is often a loud buzzing noise to be heard. I noticed the other day that the buzzing noise stopped when I lifted my hand to drink my coffee (see number 1 above). When I put my hand down it started again. It had occurred to me that it might be interference from my PC that was causing the problem. I relocated my radio so that my body intercepts an imaginery line drawn from my PC to the radio and the buzzing noise has almost gone. This leads me to believe that I am absorbing whatever it was that was affecting the radio. Should I be wearing a lead suit?

3. Why does the time of day affect radio reception?

Probably a no-brainer. In the morning, when I first switch on the radio, I have to adjust the dial slightly so that the signal is strong enough to minimise the buzzing caused by my PC (see number 2 above). As the day goes on, the buzzing gets louder and I have to adjust the dial again. This goes on throughout the day. Is it the position of the sun, the air temperature, or could it be that the coffee I am drinking during the day (see number 1 above) is gradually reducing or altering my body's ability to absorb electro-magnetic radiation?

There is more but if anyone can give me an answer to the above, it will settle my mind substantially :)

Darren,

Re 1. Do you take sugar in your coffee? Ants love sugar.

2. Don't worry about the full lead suit. Just go for the lead underpants :p

3. Umm, I dunno

:D

Craig

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Do you take sugar in your coffee?

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White with one thanks :D

Yes I do, but it doesn't go in the bin. My kids gave me one of those expresso coffee makers with the steam jet for Father's Day (like they had anything to do with it :rolleyes: ). It's the brown sludge out of that which goes in the bin. Frankly, I'm very concerned about what the queen ant might be going through right now. She's probably really hyper and pumping out eggs like you wouldn't believe.

Too late to worry about lead underpants. I've got two kids and there's no way we're having any more :eek:

Darren

The reduction in interference is probably being caused by swollen girnals (refer to Iain).

I recommend a course of treatment with . . . Yes! You guessed it! . . .(and it will have the added benefit of all that highly desirable added lustre). Who needs lead underpants?

This consultation was free. Further appointments will attract my usual fee.

Col

Well, thanks Col. Perhaps I should record the waxing and waning of my girnals in a journal. The Infernal Girnal Journal - it shows the dimension of your suspension.

I have to confess that the following line from 'The Traditional Scottish Toast' has me a bit confused in light of the above:

May a moose ne'er leave yer girnal
Wi' a tear drap in his e'e

:d :d :d :d :d

These are supposed to be grinning smilies but it appears the interference is spreading across the continent!

Silent,

I am not sure if it is related or not, someone at work told me some yankee (excuse the pun) sites have voluntarily introduced a new enhanced Nanny Watch feature to alert parents when the kids are viewing unsuitable material on the internet.

It causes radios in the vicinity of the PC to emit a humming sound.

Unfortunately I can't verify the source of the information - it is like an urban myth but perhaps this could be the source of your interference problem.

I hope I haven't embarrassed you with this information.

- Wood Borer

Bugger, you don't think they're on to me, do you? ... but hang on a minute, the buzzing sound is at it's worst when I'm on this forum. You don't suppose Ubeaut has introduced such a device? Or maybe it's the wishful thinking of the sound my new tablesaw will make when it finally arrives, sometime next century... :(

Well the answer to number two is that the PC emits radio signals in the range that is able to be picked up by your radio. If you stand the radio on the PC and tune it to a blank? station then you should be able to hear the signals being broadcast. The PC also interferes with TV signals. This caused me no end of confusion about 20 years ago as I could not discover where the interference was coming from that was causing all those jagged lines on my TV. Then one day my computer broke and lo and behold a had a great picture again. The aerial was just outside the wall that the computer was standing against and the lead was only the flat two strand type (not shielded) :(

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Originally Posted by Driver

:d :d :d :d :d

These are supposed to be grinning smilies but it appears the interference is spreading across the continent!

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They have to be CAPITAL Ds :D :D :D :D :D

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Originally Posted by silentC

I have to confess that the following line from 'The Traditional Scottish Toast' has me a bit confused in light of the above:

May a moose ne'er leave yer girnal
Wi' a tear drap in his e'e

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I'm a Sassenach and you'll need a Scot to explain this to you but (and here I'm guessing, it has to be admitted) this may be a Caledonian custom similar to the Northern English endurance test that comprises throwing a live ferret down your trousers (a mouse up your kilt?). It should be said, by the way, that the teardrop in the ferret test is usually to be found in the eye of the trousered participant.

Does this shed any light upon your confusion, at all, hmmm?

Thanks, Bob :D

Back to your ponderings:

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1. Do ants get a hit off caffeine?

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Yes, there is very little an ant can do alleviate the boredom of being an ant except for getting high. It's the same problem that the children of today have

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2. Just what emissions come out of my PC?

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The screen radiation which is probably why you are glowing in the dark these days.

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3. Why does the time of day affect radio reception?

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Because as the day wears on the radio transmitters get very tired and are in need of a rest.

See, you can find a good explanation for everything if you just try hard enough. Sometimes I find it helps to grit the teeth and screw up the eyes whilst thinking. This also helps when constipated, so I guess there are parallels to be drawn between the clearing of the bowels and the kind of deep thought that is going on here today :D (note: the big 'D'. We have big d and little d at our place, capital is too hard to say when you're 4).

Firstly, you obviously have WAY too much time on your hands. GET BACK TO WORK :D

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Originally Posted by silentC

1. Do ants get a hit off caffeine?

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Obviously. Sneaky little buggers aren't they?

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Originally Posted by silentC

2. Just what emissions come out of my PC?

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Yep. Caused by the ants partying inside.

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Originally Posted by silentC

3. Why does the time of day affect radio reception?

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The ants are obviously moving on to the radio in the afternoon.

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Originally Posted by silentC

3. Why does the time of day affect radio reception?

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As the earth spins through out the day you are getting further and further away from the radio station transmitter. The radio dial need to be adjusted to compensate for this. :D Either that or the ants want to change the dial to JJJ .... they can only move the dial a small fraction at a time as they are so whacked on caffine ..... they get so each day at you changing the dial again they gang up and steal your coffee, unbknown to they that it is simply your waste ..... it reall is a vicious cycle. ;)

Ants don't have eyebrows.

However long ago they found that if they painted eyebrows on themselves they made themselves pretty darned attractive to the Queen....

As anyone who has spilt coffee on a white shirt can attest, coffee makes a great brown stain...perfect for eyebrow painting. Let's just say there hasn't been too much meter reading going on in the old ant colony at your place for quite some time! ;)

As for the buzz.... Radio National overlays a buzz during the day which is designed as a free service to people with pacemakers similar to captions on tele for those with hearing impairment. A non-variable speed pacemaker is just plain boring, wake up, go to work, go home, go to sleep, all at the same pace.

By starting the day with "no Buzz" and varying the volume and frequency during the day, pacemaker wearers can no enjoy the experiences of normal people...slightly hung over and drowsy at first, a bit of a pick up after the morning coffee, slow again after lunch...and so on.

The apparent disappearance of the buzz when you move the radio relative to the PC is just coincidence, and is really normal programming patterning.

I hope all is now clear,

Respectfully,

Dr Karl Midge

Silent c and Ants,
Your radio drifts in frequency by the description given. Try turning off the monitor and see if the interference is reduced. Are you tuning AM or FM band ? I guess ants could be addicted to coffee or sugar. I'll see if I can train some here to do likewise.
Most small transistor radios drift a little after turning on and settle down after awhile.

I do not have caffeine in my girnals, nor mice nor RF, the horses have taken it all!
Now stop ye greetin!

Ahhhh. But there is a solution to these problems....

Line your toilet with silver foil and ground it.

Relocate your office into the loo.

This will eliminate interference to your radio if it is in another room.

Now the ants will be bombarded by the radiation bouncing off all the walls till it gets em all.

Throw your coffee dregs under your seat and flush them away.

Just arise slightly while doing so or it may be a case of wet girnals.

SILENTC
WARNING! :eek: WARNING! :eek: WARNING! :eek:
Keep the ants away from the coffee. When they ingest caffeine they become ANTisocial, recalcitrANT, arrogANT, malignANT, extravagANT, impertinANT,......etc etc :D :D
regards
Termite