To The Retired Blokes.

Dear Dorothy Dix. :D

No seriously, I have a bit of a problem and as Paul Hogan said in Crocodile Dundee, "What does he go to a shrink for, hasn't he got any mates?"

I've been retired, for several reasons, for two months now and over the past few weeks I have developed this underlying vague feeling of guilt for not going to work. It's a bit of a worry.
Has this happened to any of you, and if so how did you overcome/cope with it.

I'm 61, have worked since I was 15, own everything and don't owe a cent to anybody. Have a fabulous relationship with SWMBO and apart from this "problem" I don't have a worry in the world.

I have always been a bit down on "Bludgers" and am wondering if I am subconsciously putting myself in that same category.

All advice, sensible, humourous, crazy, or insulting, will be welcomed.

Enjoy it mate, you have already put in a deserve to take it easy, trouble is you will finish up working harder on all those projects you have not had time to do.

Don't feel guilty as I lost a good mate last weak at 57, he was getting to the stage where he was set up to retire and then never got the chance......

Hey Termite, just go stick your head in the shed! ;) In no time you'll wonder how you had time to go to work with everything else you did in life, know I did when I left work. Don't feel guilty, you worked hard and you deserve to be where you're at now ... just ENJOY! :)

Cheers
Tikki :)

PS Dear Dorothy Dix? ... showing you age there, or is she/he still around?

Whoops! Just realized this was addressed to the blokes.

Sounds like you mightn't have prepared yourself psychologically for retirement. Can't see why the feelings though. You've worked long enough, now its time to indulge yourself. Apart from the woodwork, something else that's pretty good for the soul is a tinny. Chasing fish & crabs is a very theraputic way of keeping your mind off anything serious.:D

My dad 'worked' until he was eighty-four. He didn't do much in the business after he turned 75, but did more and more in the community, helping out with charities and other organisations. He was a real spark plug all of his life, a product of a time when able-bodied people worked regardles of age.

I don't know what to tell you apart from the suggestion that you might find a day or two a week of volunteer work rewarding.

On the other hand, your work ethic has gotten you here-time to enjoy it.

Greg

Go for a nice long walk look for younger people and think as you're looking at them... maybe they'd be lucky as me one day.
My father had a hard time after retirement, just need to get stuck into your hobbies you'll soon forget about working for money, enjoying life every day is a blessing!

Very shrewd Brother Termite.

You are trying to make us all jealous - I can't wait to be able to work in the shed full time.

Enjoy what sounds like a well earned retirement.

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Originally Posted by Termite

I have developed this underlying vague feeling of guilt for not going to work. It's a bit of a worry.
Has this happened to any of you, and if so how did you overcome/cope with it.

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It is a worry indeed Termite.:confused: Feeling guilty over such a triffling matter as no longer working. Definitely a senior moment.:D

I didn't have that feeling when I retired/ceasing full time work but may be because I started eight years ago.

I don't think you should feel guilty, but retirement should not be a total withdrawel from the community or ceasing to use your work skills and I suggest you look at a favourite charity and offer your services for one day a week as a volunteer. You'll be amazed at the appreciative response and it will help to keep your self esteem.

At least it works for me.:)

Peter.

Get a hobby, I hear that woodworking can be satisfying :D
maybe look at doing some volunteer work for a day or two per week, that's what my old man is looking at doing when he retires next year

I can sympathise with the guilts.

I used to get that feeling even when I started taking weekends off! :eek: :eek:

My old man had been retired three months before he had so much to do that he had to put on another bloke, so watch out!

Another friend had retirement foist upon him at 55, and even though he was financially independant he had a really tough time for a couple of years. Once he got into brewing his own beer, (and consuming it) he seemed to forget about all else!

Cheers,

P:D

You seem unprepared for retirement. Did you plan to retire?

Guilt is held to be internalised anger, so without getting all touchy feely, maybe some professional help would be good. Retired, it'll certainly be cheap.

There's no point in stating the obvious, ie you worked all yr life, you deserve this reward, cause you already know that, yet it doesn't help.

Retirement is a radical change of life, your self image has just disappeared. Who are you now? If you previously saw yourself as a productive member of the community, hard working, tax paying, achieiving, none of thats really got to change - has it? Retirment's worse than the midlife crisis it's said (and I know thats pretty awful, mine's ongoing)

You may just be taking time to adjust, if your current feelings don't fade (weeks - not months) go talk to someone.

Termite,

I retired 10 years ago. I didn't have your problem, since retirement enabled me to do what I had long wanted to do - take up woodworking more seriously. I think the secret of a contented retirement is to find some relatively demanding 'work' that can replace the work you did before you retired. Now is the time to stretch yourself by acquiring new skills that you did not have the time for whilst you were working. You could teach yourself to use CAD software, for instance; or you could undertake some major DIY project, which previously you would not have had time to undertake.

Now, if only I could actually make money from selling pieces I have made, my retirement happiness would be assured. Meanwhile I just give them to rellies:)

Rocker

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Originally Posted by keith53

Apart from the woodwork, something else that's pretty good for the soul is a tinny. Chasing fish & crabs is a very theraputic way of keeping your mind off anything serious.:D

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Nah Keith, you've only got it HALF right.

Termite, get some plans and BUILD yourself that tinny ... out of wood of course. The little hartleys are the same style of boat as the tinnies and are easy to build and can look very nice (cue Glen to show us a piccy of Rusty).

I can understand your feelings though. You've got the hobby - woodworking, but you probably feel you need a direction. Well, a big project like the wooden boat is a good start - by big, something that is achievable but which you won't finish this week. A project that gets you out with other blokes is good too.

Volunteer work is good.

My old man's solution was to join up with the tuesday morning brigade at his church. Every tuesday, a group of old buffers get together and fix things around the church (much to the chagrin of the local tradesmen who have to unfix some of the work :eek: ) - it meets Dad's need to give something back to the church, gets him in with a group of mates for blokey time (hard with SWMBO around all the time) and it's the sort of activity he's done all his life (maintaining, fixing and making things).

Richard

Quote:

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I've been retired, for several reasons, for two months now and over the past few weeks I have developed this underlying vague feeling of guilt for not going to work. It's a bit of a worry.

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This is NOT a feeling of guilt about work but the slowly creeping in feeling of guilt about AT LAST I CAN DO WHAT I WANT.
This will pass as you organise your self into a schedule of:
sleeping,
fishing,
golf if you like that
wood work
eating when you like
shopping
clubs
pubs
associations and voluntary work (oops 4 letter word)
:D :D :D :D :D :D :D

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Tikki

PS Dear Dorothy Dix? ... showing you age there, or is she/he still around?

Whoops! Just realized this was addressed to the blokes.

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The Dear Dorothy Dix column that ran for many years was actually run by a bloke, was he a SNAG before his time? :D

Well thanks for all your replys folks. They have helped me to start putting things into perspective and I'll give a new attitude a go. I know I've earned retirement, it's just this little niggle that wont go away.
Yes, retirement was thrust upon me through the company I worked for folding up, and then being declared medically unfit for work.
The idea of volunteer work sounds very good as it may be my self esteem has taken a bit of a hit.
Daddles the idea of building a boat sounds good but I've been there and done that as at one point in my life I helped on 3 40-50 foot fishing trawlers and the old Norwegian boatbuilder could do things with a broad axe and adze that you wouldn't believe. I've currently got a 15" Quintrex with a 50hp 4 stroke on it, nice but doesn't have the "character" of woodie.

Once again, thanks all, just airing the issue has helped.

HI Termite
When I retired 10 or so years ago , I was 3 months into it and realized that for the first time since the day I left school I was un employed
My worry was do we have enough or not so I took up some part time work . Every job turned into full time in a matter of weeks.
12 months later I was working on a dredge of a day and lectureing at night and weekends in the shed
Shmbo finally said enough you didn't retire to work
So I stopped, realized we could survive, not flamboyant lifestyle but a good one
I have talked about this with other mates who have since retired and they all went through the same phase after about 3 months
So I guess having doubts after 3 or so months is pretty common when you have alwayse been employed



Rgds


Ashore

I dream of retirement. Yet Ive still got possibly 30 years to go :(

Also, as someone else said, make the most of it, my Dad passed away suddenly at age 54, poor bugger worked his butt off all his life and never got to enjoy a second of retirement :(

Termite,

the solution to your problem is simple and clear. You only have to do a search on this board, looking at your posts, and it's blatantly obvious....

You Need A Lathe !!:D

And, semi-seriously, I wonder if you're needing to change where you get approval from. As a 'worker', your boss 'approves' of you every time you get paid. If you've got a good work environment, you might get verbal approval, or bonuses/awards etc.

Retired, you can feel like you're not contributing any longer, hence maybe not a worthwhile person anymore. I think this is what leads to volunteer work's attraction. (Well, I felt better helping out the Spotted Frog during my last retirement...)

Maybe you could give bandsaw lessons??;)

Cheers,
Andrew

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Originally Posted by arose62

Termite,

the solution to your problem is simple and clear. You only have to do a search on this board, looking at your posts, and it's blatantly obvious....

You Need A Lathe !!:D

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Andrew, the next time you're taking the little cutie for a walk would you like to drop in and have a few words with SWMBO. :D

I like the thought on the "Spotted Frog" it's just down the end of the road, and after a day with me the little ones won't think their own father is such a bad bloke after all. :D

Bandsaw Lessons, free to all that wants 'em. If you've got a spare 2 minutes I can teach you all I know. :rolleyes:

I'd better clarify the Spotted Frog bit - I was using my IT skills, setting up and fixing their PCs, not moulding the young minds.

Occasionally I'd fix a wooden toy for them, if the guy next door to them was a bit busy.

A guy from my last job hooked up with a childcare centre upon retirement, and is so busy making and fixing wooden toys for them that his wife happily approves new tool purchases ("it's for the little dears" is his magic phrase!)

Also, your posting rate here seems to have jumped - anything to do with having broadband ???:rolleyes:

Cheers,
Andrew

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Originally Posted by Termite

All advice, sensible, humourous, crazy, or insulting, will be welcomed.

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Because I'm such a good bloke I've decided to help you out with your problem. I'll let you come and do my work and deal with all the crap, and I'll stay at home, work in the shed and play golf. And I wont even charge you for this generous offer.:D

Seriously though - Volunteering can be lots of fun. I am a volunteer firefighter and I love being involved. Only problem is work keeps getting in the way. I'm on the brigade executive and we often comment at our meetings that being involved in the running of the brigade would be so much easier if we didn't have to go to work. I'm sure that any volunteer organisation would greatfully accept any offer of help.

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Originally Posted by arose62

Also, your posting rate here seems to have jumped - anything to do with having broadband ???:rolleyes:

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With 2 gig of download and uncharged upload "I am pigging out." Also one of the nerves in my right arm is on the fritz at the moment so I've been banned from the shed.:(

Termite.
It took me three years to get over it.
and i was my own boss !
in time it fades away.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Termite

Also one of the nerves in my right arm is on the fritz at the moment so I've been banned from the shed.:(

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And what do all the other nerves think about this ???

We're in Australia, a democracy - doesn't majority rule any more ??

Cheers,
Andrew

Quote:

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Originally Posted by arose62

And what do all the other nerves think about this ???
We're in Australia, a democracy - doesn't majority rule any more ??
Cheers,
Andrew

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The majority took a vote and went out in sympathy. :(

AHA, an arm of the Union?:D

Not very Labor (labour) orientated are they. :rolleyes: :D

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Termite

Well thanks for all your replys folks. They have helped me to start putting things into perspective and I'll give a new attitude a go. I know I've earned retirement, it's just this little niggle that wont go away.
Yes, retirement was thrust upon me through the company I worked for folding up, and then being declared medically unfit for work.
I've currently got a 15" Quintrex with a 50hp 4 stroke on it, nice but doesn't have the "character" of woodie.

Once again, thanks all, just airing the issue has helped.

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Termite,
I can understand where you are coming from, I too am in a similar situation as your self. Although a little younger, I was put out to pasture on medical grounds and never thought about retirement, as I knew I had atleast 10yrs to go. But I was wrong, and had a bad time for a few years coping with it, sever depression was a real bummer, as I felt I'd let my family down so badly and was a failure. Finally a pain psycologist (theres a H in there somewhere) told me it's not my fault and with medication I got better. Retirement has to be planned and planned well, my Dad didn't and slowly drank himself to death over several years, plus gave mum a hard time. Now I look at life as I've done the my bit and did it the best that I could, I was a good employee, honest, punctual and did all that was asked of me (within good judgement), and bugger it I don't feel guilty because I've got nothing to be guilty about. I reckon you have done your bit too, so enjoy the time at hand and ahead, or it will eat at you, if you are having trouble talk to your G.P. and see a counselor, they are great people and a big help (your not crazy), just need a little help adjusting to a new way of life. REMEMBER:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)
savage(Eric):)
P.S. heres a greeny to help

Termite
I agree with all of the above
When I voluntarily retired to part-time several years ago I found that I had to put a little structure into my life so I used to plan to do tasks that I could fit into the mornings before I worked in the afternoons. Otherwise I found myself just wasting the time and not getting anywhere.
Now if I don't feel like doing anything on a particular day it waits.
I make a list of jobs to do - if the one at the top is not done in 3 months it goes to the bottom of the list.
I saw my father not able to enjoy his retirement so I determined that I was not going down that track.
Enjoy your time.

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Originally Posted by Termite

Yes, retirement was thrust upon me through the company I worked for folding up, and then being declared medically unfit for work.

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I need the name for your doctor:)

In my work I have farewelled about 12 people into retirement in the last year. I think all but 1 have gone back into some kind of work within a 3 - 6 month period. The 1 who didn't got into the nomad caravan lifestyle. The rest either work full time or part time or do so much volunteer work that it is pretty much full time.

My brothers fiancee's father (whatever that is to me?) retired after 30 years, and took over the 33 Ha of land next to his house that the council had let turn into a weed paddock. 7 years later and people are using it as conference retreats. He and some other mates formed a committee, took management off the council and swung the old boy/girl network into action, as well as the "Work for the Dole", local business sponsorships and a few Govt. grants. A few thousand trees, native grasses and some old Water Authority "recycled" weirs have turned a weed paddock with a stormwater drain into near natural bushland with a wetland and permanent creek that is winning all sorts of awards. (which means the council wants it back, the buggers) He might be retired, but he is certainly still contributing.

I've got a few decades left before I retire, if I ever can - so I don't know what my comments are worth. I won't let that stop me commenting though!

I think that if you can retire and enjoy whatever leisure pursuits are your thing, then well done and go for it. More power to you.

If not, community and volunteer organisations are good for the country and I think you should have a poke around and see what is available.
Frankly the more "grumpy retired men and women" that decide that the country is in a mess and needs a bit of "direct action" to fix it the better.

After all, you worked all your life and contributed in a certain manner, why stop contributing now. Taxpayers are not the only thing the country/community needs. You have the freedom to devote whatever time you want, so why not find a problem and fix it?
My grandfathers both lasted about 4 months, one started doing maintence work at his bowls club and then built an empire out of it, the other ended up taking over the local museum.
A lady that grew up with one of my grandfathers is in her 90's, and still roams the streets at night making kids "get home, or I'll speak to your parents", as well as running a few womens refuges, and generally organising the local women into a force for annoying the men in the town to do what they think needs doing. Thats a pretty little country town though.

Finally, I don't know what your family situation is (it may be the typical Aussie - scattered all over the country scene), but don't underestimate the value of 'just' being a grandfather.

Have fun.

Gday Termite,

I've been out of the workforce now since 1999. Done a few odd jobs, started doing some consulting but that took over and the next thing I knew was working longer and harder than ever. Done some volunteer work and inspite of all that I've been suffering pretty bad depression on and off ever since.

I'm on happy pills and working through it, I'm using the structure approach but the biggest paradigm shift is that we were brought up by the generation who survived a depression - the other type - ex war service disciplined folk who had to get on and get a job. When we started everyone got a job - there were plenty. Often I had 2 and went to night school twice a week.

Now life's all on it's back end - the wife is the bread winner, I'm the house mum and the highlight of the day is collecting the mail. Bugger more bills - how am I ever going to make ends meet.

And I just spent $300 for a 12' thicknesser:confused:

Anyhow - enough going on about it - maybe we should have a forum for us to get together and try and help one another coz there's been a few respond.

Retirement can be a worry when it hits you 15-20 years before you expect it to.

Jamie

Its an interesting discussion, even if I'm years from retirement myself! My parents recently "retired" from their farm, the old man is over 70 so moved to Perth in a nice home with a small yard. And b*gger me if he doesn't keep returning to the farm every shearing, seeding and harvest to help my brother! Long hours, lots of driving and I think it really stuffs him, but can't stop himself. After running 12,000 acres, the suburban block is too confining! Mum is quite happy in the city, loads to occupy her, but follows Dad up anyway.
He's not a woodie, so can't potter away in a shed like you guys! Just to add my suggestion, Termite, to combine the oft-made suggestion of volunteer work and woodwork, how about making the odd toy for charity auction, or Xmas tree for the underprivaleged. But you've probably thought of that already.
Enjoy yourself, you deserve it!:D

Sudden unexpected retirement whatever the cause can be very very hard to get used to, especially for one who enjoyed work and would like to work.

Talking to others who have been in a similar situation as you are doing is a good way to start.

The very first thing is get out of the house itself, that's swmbo's domain and if you get under her feet that will create problems for both of you.

Volunteer work is only one choice but there is an incredible variety of volunteer opportunities. (I am more or less a full time volunteer managing the district scout camp) So when I add my shed time in I probably put in more hours more than before I retired. (Though I get far less done).

There are part time jobs. Or even doing the books for small businesses on a regular casual or subcontract basis.

You can busy yourself in the shed making things to flog at markets or sell to retailers etc.

Become a gardener and grow all your own veggies and fruit.

Hope you find your niche soon.

Once again folks thanks heaps for your support. Talking it over has helped a lot and I feel a hell of a lot better than when I put up the post, well on the way to sorting out that worry. Thanks ;) :)

BTW as of 1/2 hour ago I am officialy a Disabled Pensioner, anybody know of tool shops that give Senior Card/Pensioner Discounts? :D :D

The way I see it - once you hit retirement the race starts to see who expires first: you or your super! You definitly do not want to outlive your super.

Now is a good time to start extreme sports - take up sky diving - try to get a STD - maybe start smoking etc... Hell if you play your cards right you might even be able to screw the life insurance companies too!

Personalyl I cant wait untill I retire - finally life can start to get exciting again!

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Originally Posted by Termite

BTW as of 1/2 hour ago I am officialy a Disabled Pensioner, anybody know of tool shops that give Senior Card/Pensioner Discounts? :D :D

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I think a lot of shops just might give a discount if asked!

On the other matter I liked Bodgy's response, you seem to be re-evaluating who you are and perhaps trying to determine your 'worth'.

My MIL spends a huge amount of time helping out just about anyone who needs. She'll even walk boy scouts across the road :rolleyes: . Anyway, perhaps what I am getting at is you need to find something that will make you feel good about yourself, volunteer for something - anything.

Cheers and good luck.

Yes mate, the suggestion by you and others re volunteer work seems like a bloody good idea to me. Its all well and good mucking about in my shed but I remember a mad golfer who said that golf was for relaxation, not a full time activity.
So I think I'll see if I can do a bit for the community in some way. In my younger days I was the foundation secretary for an Apex club and was in Rotary untill I transferred overseas, and from memory the work we did was pretty satisfying. This time round I might try something of a less organised nature.

One of my friends has just retired. He told me it makes him feel like he's getting old, but then, he said, at least that's better than the alternative.

Hadn't ever thought about getting too much shed time, but it is a break from reality, it would be sad to get bored with it.

I like having you around, so good luck.