Story time with uncle Dave

swiftly swallowed the stinking offered up to Adelaide’s suburban senior citizens and sly sock secreting snobs of the artistic intelligentsia resulting in their being swiftly sacked and soundly smacked. So the sneering advertiser alligators changed tack but not their ways and snookered the usually sensible sand and soil sellers of the small village of Sassafras into selling their stupendous stockpiles of sand and soil for a song. Sensationally, the then seething and swearing sand and soils sellers of Sassafras ................

.... did bugger all for Dazza's poor back which has seen him laid out flatter than a pancake for almost two long weeks. But alas, the derailment of this supreme being of the wood world (Dazza), was not cause by over exursion in nocturnal activities, but rather while he was .........

labouring over the meaning of this rather long and interlectualy challenging thead which relates in some detail the wonderings and wanderings of our two lovely ladies who were last left leasurely labouring at some length in the......................

....... Woodies bordelo where they were practicing the fine art of erotic 'ping-pong' with each other. Naturally they were in training for the World Bordelo Ping-Pong Championships to be held in 'Bangkok' in time for the ...........

And so as our tortured tale of woodwork finaly lays down quietly, somewhere out of the way and dies, we look back fondly at the sexy twosome who lived out their lives in a convent, we marvel at the attempts to distort the tale with woodworking references, and we return weary to reality.
Quiet now, no more tonight, lights off.
Shhhhh it's time to sleep.

EVERYBODY UP.....MAN THE GUNS............there is somebody at the door who wants to...............

keep this story from dying. However ...........

... out of shape, bald guy with a beer gut. Who, due to his back back, can't carry anything, even a story line. :p

LOL:D

Doorstop you're right.
Genes this bad are rare, in fact the only other bloke as blighted by genetics as me lives in south Oz ......... hang on Doorstop ...... is that you ... DADDY?

Now there is a story line !!:eek:

do us all a favour and knock off Rose Porteous instead. So off he went, armed to the teeth with incredibly sharp roughing gouges and evil intent. Go, stoppers, go, yelled bystanders as he stomped past, one hand on gouge the other on his poor arthritic wrecked lower back...

...until he realised that he'd forgotten his bottle of Coona -medicine - goes down like honey - speaking of which...


Johnno2

the best medicine known to man is a carefully aged bottle of red. Preferably of the Shiraz variety which has in the past been known to cure...................

...the secret circle of thaumaturgy and reverse yoga practicioners who are attempting to sequester the science of...

(what the hell am I talking about?)

Johnno2

.......... Bordello "Ping-Pong". Which is an ancient oriental art that dates back as far as ........

the venerable Ping dynasty, who always had a bit of a pong about them because of their habit of

bathing daily in rancid yaks' milk, which did wonders for their complexions, but not so much for their love lives, which is why...

they will never enjoy the delights of our two nubile young ladies who, having been totaly ingnored over the past weeks are determined to make a return to popularity by...........

...taking leave of the ponging pings and making their way back to Oz to look up their old friend....

very large turned salt & pepper grinders while..............

..yelling at the top of his voice,"Come 'ere me little beauties and let me put some spice in your lives!" But unfortunately he had forgotten that.......

He had left his cyclonic dust extractor on last time he filled his salt and pepper grinders which caused .....

axial rotation imparted by

the amazing Coriolis Force, an apparent force that, as a result of the earth's rotation, deflects moving objects (such projectiles or air currents) to the right in the northern hemisphere and to the left in the southern hemisphere. Most noticable when playing snooker and the ball diverts from track just at the last second and fails to fall into the pocket. Colloquially called, 'Corrie'.

The head of the man in Wayne's avatar is infact spinning with Corrie - this is only to be expected from the Ozzie Cyclone Guru.

If Wayne were to reverse the rotation of the man's head he would need more power to counteract Coriolis force and this could ............

mean rotating in ever diminishing circles until finally..........

turning into a cork screw and screwing....................

....our two lovely ladies, one after the other, until they popped their corks!
.
(Its time to stop beating around the bush, to coin a phrase, and get to the point of this long, turgid and sometimes ridiculous tale of sex and intrgue)
.
So after resting for a short while our hero (hero!!) decided that the time had come to........

fingernails and nether regions by scraping the muck out with ........

a well sharpened parting tool, which, sadly, sliped and with considerable pain, parted his..........

index finger at the first knuckle, thus making it very difficult to..........

.....pick his nose. Also he found that he could no longer....

point with any accuracy, which resulted in grief at the local sandwich bar when he tried to point at the fillings he wanted. He was so terribly upset at having to pay for a cucumber, beansprout and grated carrot on rye when he really wanted a roastbeef roll that he .......

scoff down with a couple of beers to fortify himself for the upcoming encounter with the aformentioned young ladies where he hoped to...................

...inveigle them back to his shed. There to engage in an exciting game of "hunt the didget" amongst the shavings and sawdust.
To be followed , after several beers, by an even more exciting game of "hide the sausage" Thus killing two birds with one stone so to speak. ( If he didn't find one he would hopefully lose the other!).
But unfortunately the......

young ladies were 2 pot screamers and, after sharing a bottle of dodgy plonk while he polished off a couple of refreshing Tooheys long necks, they became ..................

absolutely rats arsed and fell asleep amid the shavings, so our hero was reduced to ..

watching the AFL grand final on the idiot box where he saw Brisbane.......................

Do to Collingwood what he wanted to do to the two lovelies.
Then after the ganme he .........................

was too drunk to care and they walked out in disgust into......................

the highly strung Mrs Lawrence Longrpong, who wasn't best pleased to see her Lawrence emerge from his shed with two obviously hung over nymphetes who from there appearance had been rolling around in sawdust.

Lawrie! cried Candida (for that was the good ladies name) I thought you'd gone to the shed to dovetail a box and now I find that ..............

you boxed 2 doves you horrible little man now I will...................... :D