The Rip in the Fabric of the Universe ...

"... absolutely and completely, utterly bloody consternated! If we don't get our daily allowance of grog soon we'll probably be bloody spifflicated, too!"

Not unnaturally, the officers on the poop were taken aback.

Their joint and several abackedness was caused as much by their being impressed that the crew could, without any apparent rehearsal, manage such a complicated speech in perfect unison as by the fact that the buggers had managed to last this long between grog issues without mentioning the fact.

"Well," said Captain Nemo. "I don't know about you gentlemen but I'm taken aback!"

and after being a penguin for a long time I feel entitled to feeling thus; and in addition to that my mouth feels like the south end of a northbound camel. Which of you lads wants to join me for a cleansing ale in yonder drinking establishment?"
The crew were so surprised that the captain offered to shout ( they had oft voiced their suspicions and those suspicions had been confirmed recently when their captain in his penguin guise had indeed been bitten by a shark without shouting ) that they didn't find it odd that an Australian hotel labelled the camel jockey's arms had appeared conveniently beside a wharf.
they...

wondered why the pub was shaped like a pyramid. " This is not unusal " said the captain. " All pubs are........"

honour bound by their brotherhood to take on whatever shape endears them to their clients. What is surprising is that this particular pub has taken on an iconic shape even before the said shape has become an icon, after all these pyramid shaped space ships of the hamsters have only just landed here; we are, after all 4 thousand years into our own past. The pub must have made a fundamental misjudgement ;not in space, but in time.
But enough of that, it is after all a pub. There has not been a pub in this story before and I want a beer before it realises its error and disappears. Once we are in there it cannot leave without breaking many rules of hospitality.
So with the tune of "It's a big ad!" in their ears the crewrushed into the pub to find...

That the bloody pub had buggered off and left a wine bar in its place...

The rousing chorus of "It's a big ad. we're in..." died off.

"Well lads, shoutin' a beer is one thing, but there is no way I am buying a round of chardies..."

To this the crew, of course, said, "...

he was nicer when he was a penguin, blooody tight ar3e! Hey waiter what does the Pharaoh drink?

Realising the crew was talking to him, Fellatio checked his uniform. No longer was he ponced up in the navy blue and gold braid of an Admiral of the Royal Navy (or perhaps an Italian train conductor), he was ponced up in a second hand dinner suit, two sizes to big across the shoulders, two sizes too small in the crutch, and bearing various unidentifiable, but certainly suspicious, stains down the front.

Realizing that he had now been demoted to waiter, as evedenced by his new uniform, Fellatio replied "Well, of course, seeing he's the Pharaoh, and Egypt is indeed a dry place, he, of course drinks dry Martinis. Either that, or the canned camel urine that masquerades as beer in his benighted country. Now gentlemen (and I use the term in the loosest possible manner), may I have your orders please."

bashing his way to the bar over the beaten & bloodied bodies of his crewmates, Seaman Staines shouted "I'll have .......

"... a pint of Creme de Menthe and a packet of pork scratchings!"

"What about the rest of us?" yelled the crew. "It's your shout, Staines!"

"Not a bloody ..."

chance, would I lie to you, yibbida, yibbida!"

In the meantime the waiter brought out staines' drink (well the barman had too much self respect to do it;) ) and it was Green. A green hughie! He said "well it's what the pope drinks!"
the rest of the crew were impressed, they said...

religion is the crutch of the masses give us beer or give us VO port but none of that poncy green cats piddle.
On that comment Staines got belligerent who said......

"and why,Oh bartender, are you speaking with that outrageous Scottish accent?"
Just then a man walked into the bar who had a face like a mule....

and his name was Eawe...

and he scared everyone off except for...........

...Staines, who, ignoring the lop-eared newcomer, seized the green vitriol proffered by Fellatio and threw it down in one gulp. Green steam came out of his ears, and a noxious, rip-roaring belch indicated that the drink had gone at least a small way towards quenching his arid thirst.

"Rightoh boys, now that I've put out the fires in me throat, I need to put out the fire in me belly. Where's that lovely young lady, Miss Strapon. I reckon she'd be just what an old salt needs to clear his pipes," roared Staines.

Knowing Staines' lustful intent, and aware from bitter previous experience of his lack of discrimination, the rest of the crew backed up to the nearest vertical surface and tried to ease their collective way out of his field of vision. All, that is, except.....