So what's all this about, then?

sitting around the fire recounting stories of running wheels the hamsters expelled wind at a rapid rate...

Harry the Hamster trainer walked in, cracking his whip which he held in his right hand and the chair in the left. "Back you vicious, hamsters, back!" commanded Harry

The hamsters look at Harry with distain and ...

..backing up to the fire they all expelled at the same time singeing all the hair off of Harrys head. Harry was so disconsolate he turned the chair upside down and impaled himself, strangely managing to remain in a sitting position.....

Just then, Quentin Tarantino walked in humming 'Stuck in the Middle'. He was carrying a Samari sword in one hand and ...

..a wooden spoon in the other...

"That's unusual," said one of the hamsters. "Normally the loser in a samurai sword fight gets hacked to pieces but this bloke seems to have been presented instead with a wooden spoon."

No sooner had he uttered these fateful words than Quentin literally fell apart. He had, in fact been hacked into three large pieces but had managed to balance himself long enough to reach the hamsters' gathering ...

and fell on Harry. Who at this point, stood up straight as he could considering he was still impaled by the chair ."

Little Johnny the Hampster said to his Mum, "Look the trainer has a chair stuck up his *****"
His Mother replied "Rectum, Johnny, rectum"
"Wreck'em, damn near killed him" exclaimed Johnny

Quentin was pleased that he was now dead, so he didn't have to listen to such lame jokes. Harry on the other hand ...

Felt a sudden urge to go to the loo,
But how could he sit on the throne while he was securely attached to the infernal chair.
Then he had a brainwave.... If I just .......

..squeeze hard enough...it might.......but it didn't and when he relaxed it was further inside him than before....

..he was a character in an extremely silly story.

"Oh my" exclaimed Sally as she sucked her paper cut "I didn't care for that chapter at all, did you children?"

"No Miss Sally" the little cherubs chorused "It was complete bollocks".

"Well then" said Sally as she turned the page, "Let's see what the new chapter will bring".

Clearing her throat, she began ...

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times ...

... it was that slow couple of days between the end of the footy season and the start of the cricket.

Blokes wandered about the place, looking for things to do. You could see them, engaged in aimless tasks: tidying the shed :D , attempting to repair the rip in the fabric of the universe, trying out several different sharpening techniques ...

.. and trying to decide whether to use GMC or Dewalt or (shock horror) handtools but eventually ...............

... giving up and deciding to give blacksmithing a go.

"I'll use this stockpile of wood I've got to fuel the forge", Harry thought to himself. "I'll buy a FBH and an anvil and I'll make a wrought iron gate to close that rip in the fabric of the universe." Thinking happy thoughts of hours pounding red hot steel, Harry wandered off to find ...

some old aluminium pots and pistons to melt down. He had this feeling that if he could only pour it thinly enough, say over a sheet of float glass, he may be able to make a better foil. With better foil in his beanie, there would be no way they....