Too late Andy fxst beat you to it, I guess having fun with the fun erodes some peoples sense of humour quicker than others....very sad.:(
........the fart smelled so bad that all sense of humour was lost.....
HH.
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Too late Andy fxst beat you to it, I guess having fun with the fun erodes some peoples sense of humour quicker than others....very sad.:(
........the fart smelled so bad that all sense of humour was lost.....
HH.
so the crew decided to call it "Happy Hammer".
So, for instance, Bosun Bastard would say to Groans "You've farted you old bugger haven't you?" but Groans would reply "No! I haven't! I may have Happied though. " he'd say with a leer.
Meanwhile, back on the poop, Elvis.....
O'Presleystein slammed his foot down onto the foot of a wee Unhappy Hammer and he became nought but a tacky little Tack Hammer with a funny pointed head and a strangely unpleasant aroma somewhat reminiscent of soccer players old inner sole. The poor benighted Unhappy Hammerstein promptly headed for...........
The nearest Bunnies.
With evil on his mind..........................
and an old fella in his hand.
The old fella was frail and bent, so bent that he needed a walking frame.
When they reached the paint section the old frail bent guy said.......................
"you know, this takes me back"
"Does it grandad" said the lad
"Aye son" said the old fella "Many's the tale I coild tell you of my seafaring days"
"Well off you go then" (said the boy)
"I remember it as if it were yesterday" reminisced the old fella "leading artificer was my position and ....
All I used to do was artifice....................
"And" said the young en...........
... the captain called down from the poop deck: ...."
"Groans! Groans there! Lay aft to the poop deck and bring that dam' fool Staines with ye!"
As the old man struggled to imitate Hornblowers's powerful roar, the years dropped away and he was (literally) transported back aboard the Very Little Gravitas Indeed.
He grabbed Staines by the shirt collar and trotted up the companionway to the poop deck. (He ignored a raft of whinging from various companions as they were trampled underfoot). Momentarily distracted by the entirely unexpected sight of the King of Rock 'N Roll manning the tiller, Groans pulled himself together and saluted Fellatio.
"Leading Artificer Groans, reporting as instructed, Captain!" he said.
"Yerss," said Hornblower. "Take Staines and ....
Get some paint from Bunnies, I have an idea to paint the...........
.....unlikely that he'll be able to get to bunnies and buy that paint.
...town red tonight.Quote:
Originally Posted by ozwinner
The assembled crew immediately broke ranks, dashed to their vermin-infested berths (again trampling their companions in the companionways) and started fighting over possession of the ship's prophylactic, in anticipation of a run ashore.
Little did they know that a run ashore, in a far more serious sense of the phrase (or perhaps not, depending on your priorities), was again on the cards. The last flatulent eruption had blown the ship back onto a perilous tack, and TGSVLGI was now, under the watchful gaze of Caption Fellatio, being blown, so to speak, aground.
"Oh bother, flounced Hornblower.....
... not again! Where's that Australian chap?"
"Er, that's 'bloke', mate," said Dogsbreath. "Where I come from, ya don't call a bloke a 'chap". Not, that is, if ya want yer life to proceed in a peacable manner. I remember one of youse Poms coming into the pub back home one time..."
"Look!" said Hornblower. "We're about to run aground! Do you think you could spare us the antipodean reminiscences and do your thing with your pole?" He twirled his hand in the air in approximate imitation of Dogsbreath's earlier pole manipulating feat.
"Ah! Yair, righto!" said Dogsbreath. "Tend to get a bit carried away when I think about the old Cowcockies' Arms. Bloody good pub! Cold beer, skimpy barmaids ..."
"Yes! Yes!" said Hornblower. "Later! For heaven's sake!" He pointed at the very nasty-looking rocks looming up on their port quarter.
"Sorry, mate!" said Dogsbreath. "There ya go!" He waved his pole.
Not much happened .....
for the next few seconds and then a mighty rip appeared above them and a huge pair of hands appeared and the putting down the axe a plug was pulled and the TGSVLGI was sucked into another dimension again this one however......
... had no nasty-looking rocks on the port quarter. Instead, it had a Force 10 gale, blowing from dead astern.
The VLGI was being borne along at the very crest of an enormous wave, at least 60 feet above the trough. Dead astern, and nearly four full ship length's away, was the crest of the following wave.
It was at this point that helmsman Elvis proved his worth. Taking in the situation in a swift glance whille whistling through his teeth the main hook from "Heartbreak Hotel", he flicked back his quiff, grasped the wheel firmly, called Dogsbreath across to help him, finessed the helm so that the ship bore two or three points finer and yelled to Hornblower:-
"Take in your mains'ls, Captain!"
The crew leapt to their ...