... wooden ...
Printable View
... wooden ...
... hand planes! This distorted the fabric of the known universe and initiated a whole ...
new style of insanity , which led to psychiatrists to take up woodwork so they could better understand the problem, only to fall victim themselves to.......
a common affliction known as planeitis.
Planeitis is a deadly disease which the only know cure is to purchase more power tools. Which in it self is a nasty ...
... itch in the wallet. However, help is at hand. A liberal application of Max Factor Knacker Lacquer will not only add lustre to your cluster, it will also soothe the rash in your cash and remove the pain from your stains. Even your Seaman ...
rash, high fevers and a tendency to say inane things like...
use Organ Oil to add sheen to your ween and polish to your bollocks.
Now where were we? Ah yes, Susan, who was no slouch herself, could think of nobody to ask for help, so she just went ahead and did it. She opened ...
... a subscription to "Better Homes and Gardens" and learnt how to join quiches using dowels instead of the more traditional and favoured dovetails ...
I think it's pronounced cliche, Col. ;)
"Who said that?", asked Susan in a querulous voice. She'd been hearing strange voices for a couple of weeks now, and that one reminded her of her 6th form English teacher, Mr ...
Flogswell. He was a demon with the stick was the old Flogswell.
However on this occasion it turned out to be...
...a thread from a futuristic bulletin board that used voice technology and had slipped through a crack in the time space continuum, effectively reminding Susan of...
... her 6th form English teacher, Mr Flogswell. He was a demon with the stick was the old Flogswell.
However on this occasion it turned out to be...
Hang on, thought Susan, I've heard all that before. Looks like we have a case of future echos. "What is it?" asked the cat. "Well," began Susan but just then ...
.... old Flogswell appeared waving his wooden......
...appendage at...
the cat. The cat, being a cat, thought "beauty, a scratching pole" and proceeded to scarify Flogswell appendage.
Flogswell, to say the least, was not best pleased with this so he...
used his appendage to skewer the cat and ...
...roger the cabin boy...
Roger the cabin boy had a speech impediment, of course, which is the subject of a whole different story referring to why and how he managed to lose the captain's dinner over the side in a storm (ie, "Yer sausage and mash has gone overboard, Yo-Ho, Yo-Ho!"). Nevertheless, said Roger managed to overcome this serious setback and became ...
a man of the cloth. Every Sunday he would assume the guise of the Reverend Unseemly Dogposture and .........
... read a sermon on the evils of drink. In this he would use, as an example to his congregation, his curate: the Reverend Aloysius Shagnasty, who ...
...by means of a technique that is better left to your imagination, had managed to cure Roger's speech impediment...
but strangely only when donned in his clerical garb. Often Rodger (Dogposture to his mates) would have to show his ....
...wooden...
... detachable ...
... altar boy's ...
... manually-operated ...
collection plate.
This of course always had the effect of reminding the congregation that they were ...
a bunch of complete loosers and that they should really try to find enlightenment through the use of ...
..hallucinogenic drugs purchased from the local...
C.W.A.
... or even better, the local constabulary. In his sermons, Roger also explained the origin of his nickname. He would describe how he was caught ...
..on all fours...
...just about to lick....
the mat during a bout of Greco Roman wrestling.
Assuming the dog was ...
... short ...