Story time with uncle Dave

The plot?.....it seems the maidens have gone to the footy to see............

..all those well endowed young men in very tight shorts, showing off their tackles (this is Rugby football we're talking about isn't it?) Also these luverly young ladies like........

.....The hot-dogs that they sell in the stadium while the populace watch the spetecale of .........

those people doing all kinds of nasty things to each other in that steaming maelstrom they call 'the scrum'...

which the maidens overheard being deciphered as hope we get to play Aussie Rules soon as the two maidens prefer real football and so..........................

Watch those fine young fellows in their tight shorts as they........

go about the business of playing one of the real football games, not throw ball. Their wish was granted and all of a sudden the players grew necks and stopped the bum sniffing scrums and a new game was in play. The maidens were so delighted that they.............

Could hardly control themselves and started to......

throw pom poms round like they had never thrown them before. Pom poms went this way & pom poms went that way, but what they didn't realise was that............

pom tiddely pompom tiddely pom - and all these funny people wrapped in British flags had invaded the field - and the poor girls didn't know what to do next...

so they ran down the nearest pathway looking for an escape from this madness, only to find .................

(Drums and spooky music in background....)
.
.
....There was no escape from the Football addiction! All they could do was to...........

stand by quietly and watch in horror, as..............

As....As... Mercyfull Heaven protect us, the stadium was invaded by that most awful of football codes, SOCK-ER! and worse still, there was the English Football...........

with their pompoms here,pompoms there, in fact you couldn't see the grass for.................