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The untimely death of the entire crew seemed a little unfortunate for those involved but actually, things turned better for our intrepid crew for they we resurected in a parallel universe where the sky was green and the sea a lovely shade of purple. The hole in the ship was repaired. Even BraceGrunt was there as was ...
... Percy the Purser.
Perce (aka Cyrano) of the prehensile nose had slipped sideways into the parallel universe not long after the episode of the ...
... exploding cat. Oh, they laughed for hours about that one. Percy was just miming the look on the cat's face just moments before the blast when he noticed a strange, shimmering light moving towards them through the green sky. "Oh no," he cried, "I think when I slipped sideways into this parallel universe, my enormous nose has caught on the fabric of time & space. It's caused a ...
great big rip in the fabric of the universe. Percy was ****** off that they used rayon for the universe fabric instead of kevlar or even heavy guage canvas. His nose continually was causing these rips. Percy did, however keep a needle and thread in backpack for such emergencies.
As Percy started to sew up the rip in the fabric of universe a big ...
... bang occurred.
At first, Percy thought it was a Big Bang and he put away his sewing kit in the mistaken belief that the repair to the fabric of the universe would be rendered unnecessary by the creation of a whole new one (universe, that is, not a new tear ...). However, he was disappointed to discover that ...
.......The new universe was composed entirely of wood........
and a large colony of very hungry termites that were upsized at maccas just for the occassion and to make matters worse.............
... they were accompanied by a bloke in a Batman suit, who had a plastic foam coffee cup. Behind his Batman mask he wore a puzzled expression. He said:-
"Where ...
...did all this bloody wood come frum? It's enought oo make a woody wet with.....
... wainwater. However, I'm a Batman impersonator, not a woody at all. What I meant to ask was: Where's Wobin?"
And hearing this, Roger (who, I'm sure you will remember, is a cabin boy with a serious name disadvantage), piped up:
"Wherever he is," he piped, "Can I buy his name? Wobin, I beg your pardon, Robin the Cabin Boy sounds so much better than Roger the Cabin Boy! Oh NOOOOO!"
This last because - as he uttered his own name and profession - he espied a lustful Seaman Staines bolting through the rip in the fabric of the new universe, on pleasure bent! But! Staines caught his anticipatory...
..breath and rushed backwards and a huge yellow canary about 3 metres tall came through the rip after him...
... accompanied by a pig in a spacesuit.
"Hell's Breath!" said Staines. "Muppets! How the **** did they get into this story? I thought we were on the good ship Very Little Gravitas not the Starship Swinetrek! Is there no storyline deviation that the idiots who write this won't deploy?"
With that he ...
he huffed and he puffed and he blew the pig away. Shortly after that he huffed and he puffed and he blew the giant yellow canary away too.
Only partly satiated he glanced around hoping to espy a certain cabin boy who had dragged him back into this particular universe. Yes, Roger the cabin boy ... OH Oh, he heard that, the characters in this story have somehow managed to ..
undergone gender transition operations, but Woger, being of sound mind and bored out body, decided enough was enough. Dragging his childhood imaginary friend Mr SnuffleupaGlass into the story was out of the question. He began frantically searching for a.....
... a more contemporary imaginary friend (with, incidentally, a more user-friendly name - Mr SnuffleupaGlass?). He did a Google, using the key search words "imaginary+friend" and a world was revealed to him that made all the previous plot line deviations and parallel universes seem, by comparison, relatively sane.
So he ...