... which smelt like wood from......
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... which smelt like wood from......
... somewhere near Uranus, and yet ...
... the after taste was reminisent of saturns ring.
The impetus imparted
when he farted,
sent him sailing past her face.
He reached for her nose,
and to the woe of all hoes,
snached the syring from therein.
Grasping the wooden symbol of victory in the nasal assult of '04 and shaking off the last of the Dr Suess attack he scrambled for the transporter module.
which was made of wood from ....
:p
Gees silent :rolleyes: pay attention.Quote:
Originally Posted by hovo
licking the green ooze from his hands he slapped at the transport switch and immediatly flashed accross the galaxy to doorstops cellar. With out hesitating he ....
... ripped off all the screwcaps and poured the cheap Coonawarra plonk all over the floor. Thinking to himself "there must be something decent to drink around here" he ...
went looking in vain for a corkscrew that wasn't made of wood from...
...Bunnies but found the customer service...
so good at doorstops that he got completely sidetracked by the wizened creature that looked like a 6' version of yoda.
"nice hair" the creature croaked, " Use to have some just like it, I did."
Entraced by the obviously woody wisdom of this humanoid our hero sank to the floor to listen, the creature refreshed itself from a bottle of red and began his tale. " Many years ago I was known as Doorstop, and much battle did I wage, .............
Butt I wooden any more cos' of my wooden leg which is made from wood wooden ya know but would I.........
use the wood that Edward Woodward would? That's a good wood question, Woody." Doorstop was clearly barking mad (on no, another wood reference), so our hero produced his roll of Pfeil carving chisels and began to ...
sing something about being a lumber jack, he was a sap, but the timbre of his splintery voice resin-ated through the ......
the tulgey wood. In this case he burped as he came. It made quite a mess on the ...
.....Wooden....
... carpet. Yes, the wooden carpet. It was made from wood. And so were the walls, and the ceiling, and the wine racks, and the wine bottles. Hell, even the decrepit, gibbering, wooden-reference-making Doorstop was made of wood. "What the hell is going on here, I seem to have been transported into a world in which everything is made from wood. To such an extent, that it is not even worth noting the wooden or wood like nature of things any more." From the corner of his one good eye, he saw a glint. Or was it a glisten? He didn't know, he could never tell the difference. It was ...
obviously an object that had been finished in Shellawax, but although it's shape was vaguely familar he.....
...had spent so long trying to make sure every reference had something to do with wood , or had something nasty to say about the (wooden) doorstop, that he just couldn't recognise his own keyboard, even when the screen lover he had found asked if he would (wood) like to...
... play "hide the woody" he wouldn't because.......
of a pathological fear of splinters. He decided that it was time to get out of here so he pressed the slightly warped wooden warp button and found himself stark naked and alone, with the exception of his banana on an island. He looked down and noticed ...
that he had wood.
Stuff Viagra he thought to himself, all I need is some lusty wood talk.
Raising his eyes he noticed....
... a beeautiful Blackwood tree with a wooden angel on the top, "cor, wooden I" he thought and took out his pencil sharpener to.......
. . .tune up his writing implement so that he could write:-
"Good Moaning! It is I, Captoon Crabtroo!"
And the maving foonger hiving wrot, he . . .
scratched his head in a gesture of complete perplexity because...
... he had never been to France and couldn't imagine where that had come from. He heard a voice from behind the Blackwood tree. It said "listen carefully, I will say this only once." He listened carefully. He waited, but nothing more was spoken. He walked around the tree and there crouching in the shadows ...
... was a small French pervert. He was attempting unsuccessfully to peer up the trenchcoat of an attractive person who was clearly a member of the Resistance. You could tell she was a member of the Resistance because she was wearing, in addition to the trenchcoat, a beret and ankle socks. She said (only once, mind you) ...
a whole lot of jibberish that only Driver and SilentC could understand, the gist of which was...
... that all the crew of the good ship Venus, in particular Seaman Staines, should immediately return to the harbour for embarkation because ...
..if they failed to board in time they would be hunted down and flogged most severly, Semen Staines like the sound of this and settled down under a tree awaiting capture and a good flogging. Woger the cabin boy however convinced him if they returned to the ship he'd get his flogging sooner so the intrepid duo set off.....
... the crackers that Woger had in his pockets just in case the deck of the Venus was burning when they arrived, attached as he was to all three of his knackers. They went off with a bang ...
which started a whole new universe...
and Woger was heard to whimper, Oh for a can of Max Factor knacker lacquer, but of course there was none. Instead Seaman Stains, thinking quickly...
Aaargh I HATE that :eek:
.... constructed entirely of wood because.....
...it was, where poor workmanship was causing a splinter epidemic....
which meant that the new universe's only company making sanders, GMC, suddenly ...
......had the wood on its' competitors so it gave.......
... it's old crappy range a new name and colour so that everyone would think it was something new, when in fact it was the same old ...
...same old. Which was good for Bunnings because that meant that a whole new generation of...
of little GMC machines who would find good homes, where they could grow up and have a more little GMC machines. The various GMC breeds of machines, the routers, the circular saws, the random orbital sander etc. procreated. This lead to whole new range of increasingly bizarre power tools. These tools went on to ...
break down
.....into....