Ivan and all,,Sorry to read so much sadness.All i can offer is to seek help NOW(i left it 7 years). Councelling is invaluable,so is consulting your gp.Now i am on medication,and councelling a couple times a year.Believe in yourself,dont bottle stuff up,get professional adviceand always feel good(hard to do,but achievable) PS go into shed with dog or trusted pet,talk to it ,they are good listeners,come out feeling better. Cheers Graham Vvet