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"What'd 'e say?" said Groans.
"You shut up too!"said Roger (VC and Bar, DC and car? etc)
"If you insist," said Groans as he set off to do whatever it was he thought Roger had ordered him to do. This must have been lewd as he had a smile that no-one had seen for years and there was a certain spring in his step.
"Stains," ordered Roger (VC and Bar, etc) "Get yourself and Fellatio back here and stop intruding on the privacy of our guests."
"Guests?" asked Stains, Fellatio and several other nondescript crewman at once.
"Yes, guests." said Roger, who had deduced the cause of the disturbance quicker than they.
"You see, we have been graced by the reappearance of...
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Bob Carr who decided a change from politics would be .....
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....a wise choice as he had many hitmen after him, one was a member of the DEADLY VIPER ASSINATION SQUAD , his name was ...............
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. . . . .SEPPO JOE!
There was a horrifiying screech in the air, as if the velcro on a thousand golf shoes had been undone as one.
The insect blinked, looked warily around, and with horror realised he'd landed in the wrong thread.
"So this is the rip" he thought, realizing that though he'd manage to avoid it for half of a thousand posts, all could well now be lost.
Suddenly, all six of his shoulders slumped, with the realisation there may be no turning back....
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... and since his debut consisted of summoning up the demon of the woodworking web, he was going to have to think pretty quickly on all six of his feet (do insects have feet?) to top it in future contributions.
Seppo Joe's ugly, slathering mouth, which was always slightly ajar, slowly opened further and a whining, wheedling noise emanated from within. Instantly everyone's hands went to their ears as ...
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the unmistakable lyrics of Khe sanh began to eminate from that vile orifice, in a voice that sounded horribly like that of the great Kamahl . . . .
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.............Kumandarenisertotin the 3rd, he was a wise man of the goboshrururu tribe that lived somewhere in the jungles of south america, who for many years had practiced the ancient martial arts of yang mian system . including the lightening system , steel body training, steel hand training, and drunkin boxing...............
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and also had a masters in chemistry so he quickly mixed up a potent insect killing spray but before he could use it there was a horrible squishing sound and all and sundry plus the characters of this story saw seppo joe squashed flat with MF sitting on his.........
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... tenderloin.
There was only one possible cure (following the removal of the Mother Farcquar - no small matter in itself, of course).
The cure was, of necessity, something that could only enhance the poor bugger's parts. What was required was an application - and that right swift - of the universal tackle-enhancement unguent. YES!!!! That famous preparation (all together now!):-
MAX FACTOR KNACKER LACQUER!
ADDS A (but, Dear Reader, you know the rest .....)
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Meanwhile, Frontbottom, who had been watching these shenanigans unfold, turned to Halfrit Sponcracker and said:
"I say, Spooncracker, are you and your peculiar automatons in anyway responsible for this carry on?"
Sponcracker of course replied, "Listen you pommy halfwit, how many times do I have to tell you, it's Sponcracker thats S-P-O-N-C-R-A-C-K-E-R".
"And to answer your question, it just so happens that what you've just had the misfortune to witness is actually a piece of what we on the other side of the rip call 'Street Theatre'".
"What's it about then?" queried Frontbottom.
"Well" said Sponcracker .......
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"nobody really knows what it is about"
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except that it is now outlawed on the streets of every civilized city in the known world, well in Sydney anyway. This is to protect the denizens of that fair city from the possible atrocities involved. (ironic considering every other possible nastiness known to insect and simian kind is legal there).
However, to his credit sponcracker said "...
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Of course it will never be outlawed in Melbourne".
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because they package it in brown paper bags and mail it back to customers in NSW
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to make a huge profit so they can travel to Queensland to get away from the crazy weather
