The three best things in life are a beer before and a cigarette after.
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The three best things in life are a beer before and a cigarette after.
"I told you I was ill"
Spike Milligan. On his gravestone.
I'll only put it in a little way......
Trust me, what can go wrong?
Hey, watch this!
What happens when you press this button?
Wot's this button,
Wot's this button,
Wot's this button 'ere for?
Alexei Sayle
I had an immature manager, about 10 years my junior. He was giving me a pile of used oats trying to impress me with his new found power. I looked up at him and said, "Keep it up, Dennis. Just remember I was looking for a job when I found this one." And Dennis found another job about six months before I did. :rolleyes:
How hard can it be?
"What does that red button do?"
The female space-shuttle astroperson.
Pizza shop slogan - "7 days without pizza makes one Weak.
At a Towing Company - "We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows"
<O:p
On the trucks of a local plumbing company - "Don't sleep with a drip - call your plumber"
<O:p
Sign at the psychic's Hotline - "Don't call us, we'll call you"
<O:p
On a Taxidermist's window - "We really know our stuff"
<O:p
Outside a Muffler Shop - "No appointment Necessary, we hear you coming"
On the door of a Computer Store: "Out for a quick byte."
<O:p
On an Electricians truck - "Let us remove your shorts."<O:p</O:p</O:p</O:p</O:p</O:p</O:p</O:p
Or being care free don't care as long as its free, ( my inlaws)
On the floor of an elevator in Melb Research Institute. "Schindlers Lift"
Slogan for Otis Elevators " We never let you down"
On a butcher where I lived in Brookline Mass. on Beacon Street
"Beacon Kosher" Everytime I saw it I'd double take, thinking it said "Bacon Kosher"
On a door at St George's in Sydney " This door is alarmed at Six...but really terrified at Seven"
It's a wigwam for a gooses bridle..... said by my father when asked by one of us kids about something he did not think we needed to know.
So thirsty I could suck a golf ball through a garden hose...... my fathers uncle.
That pothole is so big you need a cut lunch to get out of it.... someone
You sit that close to the telly and you will end up with square eyes! ..... my mum
Schindler actually is an elevator company. There are plenty of Schindler's Lifts in Sydney, our office has three.Quote:
On the floor of an elevator in Melb Research Institute. "Schindlers Lift"
Another famous (but maybe dubious) Churchill quote was:
Some woman: "Winston, if you were my husband, I should give you poison".
Churchill: "Madam, if you were my wife, I'd drink it".
Mark Twain produced some beauties.
http://www.quotationspage.com/quotes/Mark_Twain/