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... which is quite a difficult trick when you're dancing a hornpipe along the taffrail (the rhythm's quite different, you see). Anyway - the clever little buggers managed it.
Glancing skywards, they became aware of the reason for the sky having turned orange. Farcquar's mother had squeezed herself through the rip in the fabric of the universe (at last it gets a mention!) and was descending on the ship in a flurry of Triton-orange undergarments, acting as a substitute parachute.
Horatio Hamster turned to his mate Havelock Hamster and said:-
"Who's that big, fat Mother Farcquar?" (At least, I think that's what he said, although it seems an odd question to ask if he already knew who she was :rolleyes: )
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Aaahhh, said Havelock, she is the hamsters official BAG LADY coming here on urgent Hamster business. Her task is to nuetralize the Captain by .......
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neutering him.
The Captain screamed as the knife sliced through his 15 layers of MFKL and then through flesh.
Roger cheered. The Bag Lady cackled. Seaman Staines jaw dropped.
The hamsters ...
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....rushed down to the galley and got a new jar of vegemite to celebrate but the cupboard was bare except for a ........
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..jar of pickled onions. The Hamsters retrieved the jar and hid the Captains recently removed onions. Later that day whilst looking for munchies after a bong Seaman Staines opened the jar and....
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took a bite out of one of them but being a bit rubbery he......
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... spat it out. The offending (rubbery) article rebounded of a nearby bulkhead, shot across the orlop deck, ricocheted upwards off a companionway, bounced off the underside of a partly open hatch and emerged horizontally, travelling across the main deck at about 120 kph. Its progress was severely hampered when it came into contact with the Mother Farcquar's rear end.
She leapt into the air, clutching her hindquarters, and spun round. Standing behind her was the entirely innocent cabin boy: Roger.
Farcquar's mother assumed that Roger was responsible for tweaking her gigantic stern end. She gave him what she erroneously thought was a saucy smile and said:-
"Well now, you're a cheeky little Farcquar, aren't you?" She moved ponderously in his appalled direction.
"Staines!" squeaked Roger. "Help!" And with that he ...
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exploded leaving a creater in the deck the size of whale. Several of the crew were killed by the incredible force of the blast. These were the lucky ones because the surviours ...
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...were unable to remove the remains of the Farcquar from there skin and hair. The sticky goo ate into them after a few days and they began to resemble burn victims, infections followed until the entire crew perished.
Many years later an Ocean going liner found the boat adrift and the remains of the crew on board. The goo however was still active and transferred itself onto the boarding party. Back on the liner.....
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they realised it was just a booze induce dream and the active goo was nought else but 1 day old pancake mix that had vegetables added so all was..............
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......well on the good ship Lollipop until the hamsters discoverd their jar had gone missing .....
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..and they knew that b1tch Shirley Temple had nicked it so they...
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decided to forget all the past problems and move on to chapter two.................
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Chapter Two
The sky ahead of the ship was clear. Fishscale Anthromorph, the admiral's aide-de-camp, adjusted the clear vision screens and turned to the First Officer:-
"Number One," he said. "There's a strange object manifesting itself at 350 parsecs in the lower third quadrant."
"Bollocks!" said Number One. "That's ...
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the second time today I have said Bollocks, itsth tho butch and I just love it, when we interthept the thrange object can we go to your quarters again and play that intimate game again?
Fishscale Anthromorph thought about this for awhile and lusting for a bit of interplanetary bonding rapidly agreed.
Sod the strange object, he said, lets go and try that new..............
