russian ballskis from his pouch and dangled them in front of hime like they were........
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russian ballskis from his pouch and dangled them in front of hime like they were........
xmas tree deccies waiting for a good .............
person to take them in hand and give them a good.........
rubbing.
A little girl named Polly walked in and saw the ballskis. Polly grabbed the ...
... the headlines in tabloids throughout the galaxy when she seized the ballskis in her teeth, juggled them one-handed for several seconds prior to flicking them into the air and then kicked them, with supreme accuracy, right through ...
the rip in the time continium and managed to.................
avoid the censor's wooden...
censoring tool, which was in fact a nicley turned piece of walnut and took the shape of.......
a walnut.
Polly became bored with ballskis and the headlines and decided to ...
.. do some modern ballet with a pink tutu and a foil cap, but she needed someone to...
tell her (on pain of death) that her bum didn't look big in the tutu, so..
Everyone told lies.
Because her bum DID look big, no matter which way you looked at it, until she met Ray Martin, and got on the diet of a life time ( this is the umpteenth diet of a life time according to Ray ) so she..............
ate a 2 litre tub of ice cream as comfort food, followed by a packet of tim tams that never runs out, 3 mars bars, and a wooden...
walnut which was all just cold comfort to her as...........
her foil hat was way too big and kept falling down over her ...
... enormous bum. This gave her the appearance of an inverted radio telescope. Locals set up a sign to attract tourists. It read:-
"You've seen the Big Banana, the Big Pineapple and the Big Prawn. Now gaze in wonder upon the galaxy's premier tourist attraction: The Big A*se!"
It didn't work, because ...
there are far, far too many big ar$es in the universe.
Polly decided that it was time that she saw all of the "Big Fruits" of the universe. She grabbed her kit bag, her best mate Ella, filled her space ship up with fuel and took off.
Just past the first bend the space ship ...
crashed straight into the big ....
Quote:
Originally Posted by hovo
... make that the Big Prune.
Rebounding and deflecting off the wrinkly skin of the Big Prune, the space craft - out of control - pounded at warp speed straight through the rip in the space/time continuum.
The entire crew, including (in no particular order): Captain Nemo, Bracegrunt, Seaman Staines, Crabtree, Captain Pugwash, Michelle, Roger, Susan, Polly and her mate Ella (and others too numerous to mention) found themselves sitting around a campfire, dressed in cowboy outfits and eating baked beans.
The smell was appalling. The sound effects were a disgrace and Slim Pickens, wafting his ten-gallon hat backwards and forwards was not amused. He said ...
" More beeeens!!?"
At which comment Captain Nemo replied "Beens! That's it. That's what the good ship needs, coffee beans to disguise the illegal cargo that those damned sniffer dogs always find, preventing us from ...
accessing ports and off loading our cargo of cyberbong refills". The crew felt like it was like the old times when they used to run up the jolly roger, or was that when they rogered up jolly?? No matter, the coffee bean idea was putin motion and ..........
Quote:
Originally Posted by ernknot
(So how did Vladimir feel about having his motion described as coffee beans?)
... (but getting back to the story) ... with the sniffer dogs duly distracted by the rich aroma of the roasted beans, the crew were able to off-load an entire cargo-hold of contraband ...
lefthanded screw drivers which are used for the sole purpose of.........
of tightening left hand threaded woodscrews
for which there is a high demand in cyber space. " Whats this got to do with dope, sniffer dogs and coffee beans.......'
... demanded young Henry, interrupting his teacher once more.
"You really have to be more patient, dear," she said. "The relevance of all these things will be revealed as the plot develops. It's all to do with imagery."
She took up the story again:
The crew, whilst engaged in offloading the contraband left-handed screwdrivers ...
the entire crew succumbed to the gas being emitted from ...
this story line.................
... and with one voice, all three Captains: Nemo, Pugwash and Crabtree (see, you'd all forgotten that he's a Captain too, hadn't you?) cried:
"Open that rip in the fabric of the universe and get us back to somewhere with a more exciting plot or we'll be in danger of expiring through lack of interest! If that happens we'll have to take to wearing bloody foil helmets and tutus!"
With that, a tremendous ripping sound was heard. However, that just turned out to be Staines - who had over-indulged in the baked beans.
Following hard on its heels however, was a second and distinctly more refined ripping sound and ...
Raffaele walked in fresh from his unhappy encounter on the new inventors and threw a whole box of his 3-d brackets at Crabtree's feet, saying "they also work eith left handed screws!"
Crabtree scooped them up saying...
..."A pix on your loft hounded scrows!"
And he hurled them back through the rip. There was a bang like the crack of doom, a pause and sixteen jolly jack tars, balls akimbo, dancing a hornpipe, appeared in the rip.
"Not again!" cried Nemo and he ...
fired all foward torpedo tubes and then turned to his men and said...............
...I wonder if that sailor chappy got my number. It would be good to..
be rogered by the cabin boy.
http://www.click-smilies.de/sammlung.../Fool/bur2.gif
At this point, Pugwash leapt to his feet (it wasn't much of a leap because he was remarkably short in the leg - well - both legs, actually) and said:-
"I've remained silent long enough! But this is too much! It's about time someone spoke out against all this disgraceful ...."
pronunciation...
"Whit do you moon?" said Crabtree. "Er you employing thit someoone has a pribloom with proneencing their woads? I cannoot imoogen who you moon!""
"Someone has been sneaking the cyberbong refills me thinks" said the captain. ( By the way who is the bloody captain at this time???) The crew responded to the cyberbong remark " Os smooking dupe?? he he he, u mist be yoking! " This made the captain reply.......
What do you moon ( By the way who is the bloody captain at this time???)
The Captoon is the Captoon, you awfool leettle peersoon.