and while he was confused accidentally deleted his own green caterpilla
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and while he was confused accidentally deleted his own green caterpilla
An administrator (!) deleting his own green caterpillar!!! :eek: :eek: :eek:
Now that is just way too ridiculous. Let's get this story back to a more realistic plot line.
Michelle had removed her trenchcoat and hung it on the nearest convenient hook (which just happened to be Seaman Staines' foot - protruding, as you will remember - through a hastily-repaired rip in the fabric of the universe). Michelle now put her trenchcoat back on, preparatory to departing with Crabtree on a mission of their own devising.
However, Staines' seaboot, relieved of the weight of Michelle's trenchcoat, jerked upwards, widening the hole in the fabric of the universe and allowing Staines to step through. He did so, rubbing his cramped leg and ...
I am glad to see that we have a realist here! :D :D :D :DQuote:
Originally Posted by Driver
you are right its a bit far-fetched, actually come to think about it he must have deleted Christopha's caterpilla coz Christopha's been bleating about losing......
his wooden....
woody ..
pithy
Thats the other thread guys, you know, just a bit of fun.
Al
looking around lasciviously espied one cabin boy called Roger who was staring at him aghast.Quote:
Originally Posted by Driver
"Flippin hell!" ejaculated Roger, "I thought that ...."
... I was safe."
"You are, mate," said Staines. "Standing there on one leg in the alternative universe has given me time to re-consider my behaviour. I'm a changed man. I no longer lust after cabin boys. That's all behind me (if you'll pardon the expression). I've decided to become a connoisseur of antique French clocks."
"Great!" said Roger. "That means ...
...though, that I probably shouldn't have ejaculated in the last paragraph from craigb. Still, if that didn't turn you on then I must be safe. So saying he turned his back on Semen Staines. This gave him a view of Susan on her knees in front of Crabtree. "What the &*%$ is going on there?" he internally ejaculated to himself, "Well, whatever she's doing I want some"...
At this point, Crabtree, who had been looking sideways at Staines ever since the latter mentioned antique French clocks, disengaged himself from Michelle (and Susan as well). Moving across to where Staines stood, looking very smug at his new-found chastity, Crabtree said:-
"Fronch untook clicks, eh? Belle epoque or fin de siecle?"
Staines, of course, hadn't got a bloody clue what he was talking about so he rubbed his cramped leg a bit more and said:
"Oh, yeah right! Well Fanny Seckle was a good clockmaker - for a sheila, that is"
With this, Crabtree ...
grabbed Michelle by the ears and .........
said this is how I hold my liquor. With that he pulled an aardvark out of his ...
aardvark carrier...............
which he purchased from a secondhand dealer in ...
the Antardvaark, a little known part of the world where....
... scrawny little old men sit in tin bathtubs while being patronised by their supercilious sons.
Plying the aardvaark liberally and with (one hesitates to use the expression but it is the only suitable one) gay abandon, he ...
he silently sent a prayer of thanks (to or whichever of the gods he was sucking up to at that particular time) that it was an ardvaark and not an echidna that he had chosen to abandon gaily, he released his grasp of Michelle's ears and stepped through the recently enlarged hole in the fabric of the universe and emerged ten minutes earlier at a little seaside town on the NSW south coast called....
... Medulla Oblongata Beach (otherwise known as Landfall of the Silent Sea) where he immediately established an architectural practice, specializing in butterfly roof designs with prominent internal gutters. This caused a sensation in the town, because ...
for too long they had relied on good old fashioned wooden shutters to keep their nefarious deeds secret. Now, faced with these new architectural designs, their secrets would no longer be safe. Also the indoor gutters proved to be a bit of a nuisance because...
... the residents of the town, who were very tall and handsome as a rule, frequently bumped their heads on the gutters when striding manfully through their lounge rooms. Over time, this resulted in a lessening of their striking good looks but also ironically brought about a subtle design improvement in the gutters by increasing the fall and making them less likely to flood in a hail storm. The Silent Sea, alluded to in a piece of laudanum-induced drivel from a silly chap with two last names, was anything BUT silent on that day, for it was ...
a dark and stormy night and Bulwer-Lytton was at his typewriter composing his new novel which funnily enough began:
"It was a dark and stormy night"
When suddenly ...
... 50 metres off the beach, the submarine Nautilus surfaced.
Onlookers were surprised to see two figures aloft the conning tower, struggling in what seemed to be a fairly serious blue.
"How many times have you got to be told? Don't open the bloody hatch when we're submerged! You're a flamin' moron!" shouted one of them.
"You can't call your captain a moron, you mutinous dog!" quoth the other.
Captain Nemo (for, amazingly enough, it was he), grappled his first lieutenant to the deck and ...
... making a mental note that, against all logic, his crew had laid the timber decking groove side up, sat on the first lieutenant's stomach and proceeded to quote the Rhyme of The Ancient Mariner to him, stabbing his fingers into the first lieutenant's chest in the manner of a typewriter as he did so. As he slapped the first lieutenant on the ear at the end of each line, he made a "ding" sound, which ...
... was not un-melodic.
"Water. Water everywhere, nor any drop to drink (Ding!) ..." said Nemo.
"My point exactly!" spluttered Number One. "The water isn't supposed to be everywhere. It's supposed to be on the outside of the bloody sub!"
"Silence, fore and aft!" boomed Nemo in a voice designed to carry from the quarter deck to the fo'csle (neither of which formed any part of Nautilus's design) and he ...
... raised a skinny finger and pointed landward: "Wait, did I hear the dash of oars? A Hermit good lives in that wood, which slopes down to the sea."
Sure enough, a boat - and on board three silhouettes - was approaching from the nearby shore.
"The Silhouettes", he thought, "Oh I loved them when I was a kid."
So thinking and humming one of their tunes to himself he cut a hole in the sub deck and began to push his number one ...
past the edge of sanity, seeing as how the crew had started to submerge again to escape the music of the Silhouettes which was rumoured to drive sailors to their deaths. As the water rushed through the recently cut hole number one was rapidly drowning as he tried valiantly to stem the tide,
"Curse you Nemo" he bubbled as he died.
"Sorry" said Nemo< " I didn't quite catch that number one. Would you mind repeating it please?"
Nemo had been brought up by his mother to always be very polite no matter what the provocation. "Oh, by the way Number One, I am going to promote you to a Number Two."
"That'd be right," thought the luckless officer, "Just about dead and he ...
... still can't get it right ..."
At this point, the first lieutenant found himself standing next to a very tasty brunette who was clad, fetchingly, in a trenchcoat, beret and ankle socks. He had miraculously been transported into the original universe.
"Listen vary carefoolly," she said. "I shall say zees only wence!"
"Strewth!" thought the happy submariner. "She's French, too!"
Michelle continued: "Zees is ze plan ....
So what's the plan????
Ze plan is tuoo flum flam, ze flum flam man.
Geest as loong as wea doont get flumed or flamed in ze prooces...
Eduardo who was in the room next door was sick to death of listening to these outrageous french accents. Eduardo grabed his Uzi 9mm and walked out of the his room and into the next. He then ...
poared himself an Uzi and coke just before......................
drinking it he realised it would taste like crap and he should have mixed it with diesel to really enhance the flavour. Diesel on a cybership? The alternative stuff is.......
zyclonica which was real hoot to sniff also, so off went the intrepid French accent hatter ( he made hats in his spare time ) to.......................
diesel shop and bought a litre of diesel and a litre of coke. This was going to be a big night for our Eduardo. He started to undress ...
his dress and dress his un, which is what always happened when he drank the whole litre of coke in one session.............fade to black...................
MEANwhile in the other universe the rest of the crew were admiring the dwelling of the tall, handsome older looking chap beside the sometimes silent sea, in the hope of being invited inside for a closer look at the internal guttering and the expensive golf clubs. Actually they were just being polite while they waited for the imminent return of number one from his latest unexpected departure. They had learned that you could never trust him to be dead just because the captain had drowned him twice, so to kill (sorry) time they were being complimentary about various wooden masterpieces whilst drinking the very best collection of S.A. Reds on the south coast. Just as the tall chap was despairing they heard the now familiar sound of the universe ripping open and in walked number one, saying...