Story time with uncle Dave

a nice cup of tea and a lie down after which they would.............

...massage his ego, and...

rampage throught the streets of Kings Cross, where........

boys will be girls and girls could be anything!!!

so venture out with care as those two maidens could well be.......

...not what they seem. However you could.....

always go somewhere private and ask them to......

show you their...........

scratching johnno's itch

which was right inthe middle of his back and on removing his shirt they saw a great big .....................

tatoo of a hunting scene with the dogs and the hunters in full flight and there disappearing into the crack of his bum was the foxes tail. "Well!" they exclaimed as one " We have never seen.............

...tug to see if it....

...a quick brush and comb and powder it for fleas. Then we can have a.......

How did Dear Doorstop get in before me? Quite upset my train of thought.

most flea ridden ferret that a person could dream of

nice cuppa tea and a........

What the???? Where did that bloody dennis Hill sneak in from?

Bloody cheek of the bloke! I'd have a word with the Admin department about him if I were you!

OOPS! get back to the topic Hilly!!!

..... and a "Bex Powder" and a good lie......

will keep the maidens guessing as to what Dennis was up too as he is a ..........................

senior who may have trouble getting anything up..

Gentlemen, please! Getting what up? Up to no good would be more like it! Up on a ladder?

Now back to our nubile young ladies, they were ladies were'nt they? I have trouble rembering the plot, I think I lost it years ago!

Thats it! we were going to have a cup of tea, a Bex, and lie in the recliner and....... watch the footy????? or was it play footsies???

Where did that plot go?

The plot?.....it seems the maidens have gone to the footy to see............

..all those well endowed young men in very tight shorts, showing off their tackles (this is Rugby football we're talking about isn't it?) Also these luverly young ladies like........

.....The hot-dogs that they sell in the stadium while the populace watch the spetecale of .........

those people doing all kinds of nasty things to each other in that steaming maelstrom they call 'the scrum'...

which the maidens overheard being deciphered as hope we get to play Aussie Rules soon as the two maidens prefer real football and so..........................

Watch those fine young fellows in their tight shorts as they........

go about the business of playing one of the real football games, not throw ball. Their wish was granted and all of a sudden the players grew necks and stopped the bum sniffing scrums and a new game was in play. The maidens were so delighted that they.............

Could hardly control themselves and started to......

throw pom poms round like they had never thrown them before. Pom poms went this way & pom poms went that way, but what they didn't realise was that............

pom tiddely pompom tiddely pom - and all these funny people wrapped in British flags had invaded the field - and the poor girls didn't know what to do next...

so they ran down the nearest pathway looking for an escape from this madness, only to find .................

(Drums and spooky music in background....)
.
.
....There was no escape from the Football addiction! All they could do was to...........

stand by quietly and watch in horror, as..............

As....As... Mercyfull Heaven protect us, the stadium was invaded by that most awful of football codes, SOCK-ER! and worse still, there was the English Football...........

with their pompoms here,pompoms there, in fact you couldn't see the grass for.................

asses! There were so many asses in tight shorts that the girls really didn't know where to cast their eyes...

And then, floating on a cloud, came the most splendid of visions. With long blonde hair flowing in the breeze, the tightest of tight shorts on the cutest of asses Warwick Cappa returned from obscurity (well, the Eastern suburbs of Sydney) to save our fair ladies from.......

...a fate worse than death. 'But' the ladies cried,' We do not wish to be saved. We want to be.......

well and truly cappad...

...and so it was. The now slighyly greying blond god of the AFL took the ladies into his arms, lifted them onto his fluffy cloud and wisked them away to...........