salad fork
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salad fork
and nose picker. When she attempted to use it, something amazing happened...
the salad left on the fork dissapeared up her nose caisng her to .........
sneeze very violently which sent her into a spin. As she spun faster and faster she spun in an ever dimishing circle until all of a sudden she....
...tore yet another hole in the fabric of the universe (or, as Crabtree was now qualified to advise her from his study of Roget's Thesaurus: omneity; whole; world; creation; all; sum of things etc).
Digging into the pocket of her trenchcoat, she extracted her official Resistance Girl's Sewing Kit and rapidly repaired the hole. In doing so, she managed to prevent that bugger Staines from clambering through again. However, he got a foot through before Michelle could entirely prevent him. Consequently, the fabric of the universe (omneity; whole etc) now had a puckered repair with Staines' foot sticking through it. An ugly sight which made Crabtree ...
think of his half foot. I should not be envious he tought half a foot is ok in the scheme of things and as such he ....
he pulled his tape measure out and measured up just to make sure he still had 6 inches
of double chin......and no........not the Chinese type.
Sorry Wongo.:o
Suitably reassured at the condition and scale of his equipment (and making a swift mental note to obtain a fresh supply of Max Factor Knacker Lacquer - he had observed a slight lack of lustre in the near vicinity of his cluster), Crabtree returned to the important task of chatting up Michelle (who still looked very tasty).
"Good moaning!" he said. "I may hiv sim good nose for you."
Michelle was used to Crabtree's appalling pronunciation of her native tongue so she only needed to make a slight mental adjustment to discern that the Captoon had glad tidings.
"Oh yes?" she said. "And what news might that be?"
"Well," he said, " ...
"I forgot, nevertheless you look delicious and i wonder if I may have a bit of.....
fromage and bread......
"...avec a litre of vin ordinaire and we can, ow you say, 'ave zee pick a nick"
Crabtree was so excited by this prospect that his ...
... nipples exploded. "Mon dieu, sacre bleu, that shood nit ave appened. Ah blem thit 'ungarian freeze book thit smelly man in the tronch coat sold moo". With that, Crabtroo, err Crabtree, ...
..decided he needed a rest and headed for the dunny for a slow . Upon entering said dunny.....
he thought " 'ere is my chance to intoduce some scatalogical humour to the story. But no, Crabtree is above such things, so he won't"
"Iinstead, I'll ....
... examoan theez coproleets thit I hove in my trooser picket. I foond them in ...
...CraigB's magazine rack where "Give me more poo, I love it" featured prominently alongside a well worn dictionary and thesaurus....:p :D :rolleyes:
The poo in question was, of course, apple poo. Crabtree was also fond of steek 'n kodney poo and not averse to a helping of shiphard's poo. He settled down to contemplate a series of culinary delights and ...
dropped his load into the dunny. He then asked the automated dunny to wipe the poo off his sphincter. The mechanical arm reached out and ...
..grabbed his...
... shirt. Deftly lifting it, the arm selected some 120 grit wet and dry loo paper. It proceeded in a southerly direction but just as it was about to pass the family jewels, Crabtree, thinking better of the idea, pressed the cancel button. The arm ...
..became confused and pulled down hard on crabtrees shirt, the toilet flushed creating a vaccuum that sucked crabtree down. He...
... plummeted downwards, spiralling round and round, until he was flushed out the other end into a subterranean world. Around him were thousands of tortured looking souls but just ahead was a gothic looking creature carrying a scythe. The creature raised it's head and with eyes that pierced his very soul, rested it's gaze upon Crabtree. The creature opened it's mouth to speak. It said ...
"G'day mate, what brings you here? "
In a blood curdling roar crabtree replied "I got flushed down the toilet". The creature replied "...
"This is what happens when you descend to the scatalogical."
"So anyway" asked Crabtree, "Where am I ?"
"This is a research facility put together by Mark Latham when he was at Liverpool council. He had the idea of re-cycling toilet water to be used in....."
The local liberal parties coffee machine
then the fog cleared and Crabtree was back on track. "Cripes" he thought " even in cyber space we can't get away from these morons trying to foist their political crap on others". He thought " Just as well I am sitting on the crapper and can flush this into space" . Reacing for the bits of 4X4 he commenced to wipe his.....
memory clean of such crudeity.
As he did so the picture of the tasty Michelle became clearer and clearer.
"Ah cherie" he sighed "just zee sight of you, my leetle croissant makes me swell with ...."
the pride zat i am a bed speeking frenchman. But besides zet, i am really gotting ze hits for yu, just feel moi ......"
just feel moi, just feel moi, just feel moi.zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzttttt
went the arm of the old 78 gramaphone player as Jacque crashed into it again.
Drunk as usual, he stumbled to his feet to restart his favourite record on the gramaphone......zzzttttt........zzzzzztttttt............went the..................
But it was too late as Ozwinner dashed in very quick and scooped up the shattered 78 records and ran off shouting "More Black...
Adder, more black adder, that's the only thing that makes sense, or maybe some Monty Python. Anything but James Aznavour on 78's"
Harold, the man in the next room was quite annoyed at noise of the 78's playing because it interupted his ...
Prostitution racket............which was in the ..............
vicinity of ubeaut.com.au, which made very little sense to anyone except SilentC who understood that it's means it is, but used it to mean belonging to it instead, therefore ...
... confounding apostrophe man, who was unable to parse the sentence and was sent mumbling to the back of the classroom to lament the lack of decent standards in English language education. Meanwhile, the creature raised its head and with eyes that pierced his very soul, rested its gaze upon Crabtree. Crabtree reached for his copy of Roget's and said ...
sodomise me after looking up bugger in the Roget's. Crabtree then pulled out his ...