. just before she can actually attack the object of her desires, said object emits a massive ..
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. just before she can actually attack the object of her desires, said object emits a massive ..
..electrical pulse which disables the chain saw and frees itself and its mates from the vice, they then turn on the chick and....
...having made sure that she was actually turned on and not just faking it , they then proceeded to ....
..back her into a corner and...
... suggest that she reconsider her position.
She mused on this for a moment and said:-
"Leesten vary carefoolly. I shall say zees only wence. Seexty-Nahn!"
"An excellent position to take!" They all ...
....watched as Roger did a handstand in the corner. "You might have a problem as all the blood rushes to your....
..wooden ...
... nose. By the way, why is your nose so much longer than your ...
... Mujingfang smoothing plane (aka the ol' Moojie smoothie)?
It's just because it is so cold in this bloody...
... corner of the Good Ship Venus.
Normally, of course, cold would have the effect of reducing the proportions of affected appendages but, dear reader (if you're still with us) you must remember that Roger is inverted - doing a handstand, in fact - and that his inversion causes opposite effects to the norm. Speaking of whom ...
Norm (by another freak hiccup in the scriptwriters thought patterns) suddenly found himself transported from the comfort of his sport watching chair into the midst of the good ship Venus. When he saw Roger, upside down, naked and unaffected by the cold he was suddenly more interested in participating in a little sport rather than simply being a spectator, so he whipped out his...(don't say wooden, anyone)...
.... harmonica....
and "with them windshield wipers slapping time and Bobby clapping hands, we finally sang up every song that Driver knew!"
Anyway, after Norm had finished his slightly dodgy rendition of the Kris Kristoffsen classic, he reverted to type and started demonstrating his woodworking skills. "I'll just put in a couple brads" was his catchphrase and it was something that drove ....
the slightly deaf chainsaw chic into defensive mode because she thought he was intending to impregnate her with a couple of "brats", so she fired up the beast and proceeded to...
... power those brads home thus pointing up the difference between Norm and his acolytes (the Normites) and the various Galoots and Neanderthals who clove loyally to their hand-powered ...
cabin boys
who were o.k. for sweeping the shed floor but absoulutely useless when it came to setting up the table saw for a dado cut.
In fact, Norm was so disgruntled that he seriously considered ....
putting parts of the cabin boys anatomy into the thicknesser but decided against it because ...
it wouldn't look good on TV.
So to punish them he sent them out back to the sawpit and gave them a log of spotted gum and said "Boys, I want you to...
,,,, weduthe thith wooden thing to mere thplinterth and thtop wiggling ththe cute little bunth at me becauthe it maketh me go all......
wooden...
eyed upon which the ......
... cabin boys squealed in unison "Hang on, you're not Norm Abram, you're that fat guy from the 'Life Be In It' ads, you know, the one that looks like Gough. All hail Gough. Get down here in this pit, boy, and let's see that blubber fly." Realising that something peculiar was going on, Norm took out his ...
... one and only hand tool and ...
...with his one and only hand, proceeded to...
... crack a beer with it. "You've got to be yanking my chain if you think I'm getting in that pit with you, I'm going inside to watch the telly. There's a new show called ...
... "This Really, Really Old House". It's all about cave and hovel renovations and I want to ...
get an ex member of a male strip show to run the gig and charm the pants off little old ladies because we have to take public attention away from the paedophile tendencies of our forebears
At this point, Seaman Staines intervened.
"But, Norm!" he said. "What are we going to do with all the old ladies' knickers once they have been charmed off them?"
"I've got an idea!" said Roger, returning to an upright position. "Let's ...
... put them over our heads and hold up the local Bunnings. I need some ...
When Susan read this she put the book down again. Increasingly she felt that this book was written by a complete lunatic however it was oddly compelling. It did trouble her that she seemed to be a character that briefly appeared in the story. Susan picked up the book again and ...
.. found herself standing outside Bunnings with a pair of very roomy knickers on her head, ranged alongside Roger the Cabin Boy, Seaman Staines and good ol' Norm, all attired in similar headgear. They moved purposefully towards a large display of ...
... called its publisher in the hope she could sell this whole thread to him as a fantasy novel with TV spin offs ....
The publisher of course refused, because that would have been a serious breach of copywrite. This had absolutely no effect on Roger the cabin boy, nor on Seaman Semen Stains. They, taking this unexpected break in the story line as an excuse for a little bit of hanky panky, had, after ensuring that Susan was still essentially blinded by the very roomy and also somewhat pungent knickers, had sneaked into a little used section of the Bunnings Hardware store that actually gave away ..
a hard cover book binding with which the omnipotent decided to end this thread as no quality replies had recently been forthcoming (we can only wish)
froze, his hand poised over the mouse, which was poised over the 'close thread' button on the screen before him. He shifted his gaze to the autographed picture hovo had sent to him last Christmas.
"Do I really want to listen to anything this fellow says?"
To which he answered to himself , "No not really. Actually I prefered the story when Staines, Norm and Roger were outside Bunnies. I wanted to see what was going to happen next"
So ....
listened to what he thought was the voice of reason, actually it was the voice of SilentC and as the autographed photo he'd sent to wasn't of himself but a character from an old film called "a Clockwork Orange", he decided not to listen to that voice either. So smiled to himself and said
"Now Children!, I do read these pages!"
whereupon they all decided to behave and went back to making lurid second hand jokes about the cabin boy and his adventures in ...