So what's all this about, then?

... itch in the wallet. However, help is at hand. A liberal application of Max Factor Knacker Lacquer will not only add lustre to your cluster, it will also soothe the rash in your cash and remove the pain from your stains. Even your Seaman ...

rash, high fevers and a tendency to say inane things like...

use Organ Oil to add sheen to your ween and polish to your bollocks.

Now where were we? Ah yes, Susan, who was no slouch herself, could think of nobody to ask for help, so she just went ahead and did it. She opened ...

... a subscription to "Better Homes and Gardens" and learnt how to join quiches using dowels instead of the more traditional and favoured dovetails ...

I think it's pronounced cliche, Col. ;)

"Who said that?", asked Susan in a querulous voice. She'd been hearing strange voices for a couple of weeks now, and that one reminded her of her 6th form English teacher, Mr ...

Flogswell. He was a demon with the stick was the old Flogswell.

However on this occasion it turned out to be...

...a thread from a futuristic bulletin board that used voice technology and had slipped through a crack in the time space continuum, effectively reminding Susan of...

... her 6th form English teacher, Mr Flogswell. He was a demon with the stick was the old Flogswell.

However on this occasion it turned out to be...

Hang on, thought Susan, I've heard all that before. Looks like we have a case of future echos. "What is it?" asked the cat. "Well," began Susan but just then ...

.... old Flogswell appeared waving his wooden......

...appendage at...

the cat. The cat, being a cat, thought "beauty, a scratching pole" and proceeded to scarify Flogswell appendage.

Flogswell, to say the least, was not best pleased with this so he...

used his appendage to skewer the cat and ...

...roger the cabin boy...