Rural Australian Computer Terminology

<st1><st1:city w:st="on">LOG</st1:city> <st1:state w:st="on">ON</st1:state></st1>: Adding wood to make the barbie hotter.
LOG OFF: Not adding any more wood to the barbie.
MONITOR: Keeping an eye on the barbie.
DOWNLOAD: Getting the firewood off the Ute.<o></o>
HARD DRIVE: Making the trip back home without any cold tinnies. <o></o>
KEYBOARD: Where you hang the Ute keys.
WINDOW: What you shut when the weather's cold.
SCREEN: What you shut in the mozzie season.
BYTE: What mozzies do.
MEGABYTE: What Townsville mozzies do.
CHIP: A pub snack.
MICROCHIP: What's left in the bag after you've eaten the chips.
MODEM: What you did to the lawns.
LAP Where the cat sleeps.
SOFTWARE: Plastic knives & forks you get at Red Rooster.
HARDWARE: Stainless steel knives & forks - from K-Mart.
MOUSE: The small rodent that eats the grain in the shed.
MAINFRAME: What holds the shed up.
WEB: What spiders make.
WEBSITE: Usually in the shed or under the verandah.
SEARCH ENGINE: What you do when the Ute won't go.
CURSOR: What you say when the Ute won't go.
YAHOO: What you say when the Ute does go.
UPGRADE: A steep hill.
SERVER: The person at the pub who brings out the counter lunch.
MAIL SERVER: The bloke at the pub who brings out the counter lunch.
USER: The neighbour who keeps borrowing things.
NETWORK: What you do when you need to repair the yabby net.
INTERNET: Where you want the yabbies to go.
NETSCAPE: What the yabbies do when they discover the hole in the net.
ONLINE: Where you hang the washing.
OFFLINE: Where the washing ends up when the pegs aren't strong enough

Lucky you living in the city all them choices all sorts of variations, hell out here man we gotta do something funny else Sol Traheo (sp?) ex boss telstra cough cough #### that word hurts would have died a LONG time ago what a wanker and if telstra is an example of a successful aussie company no wonder we're going down the tubes