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Darren,
From my experience of working in a golf club the first question should be " Can you play golf ? " and only then the remaining three questions.
Peter.
You shown the missus this one Silent?
Probably accounts for the black eye.:D
Al
Darren
Your second photo recalls to mind a story that you might relate to :D
A bloke staggers into the pro shop with a 5 iron wrapped round his neck, looking very sorry for himself.
The pro rushes across and says: “What happened to you, mate? Are you OK?”
The bloke, in a very hoarse and croaky voice, explains: “I was playing a round with the wife. She sliced her tee shot on the par 5 third. The ball went over the fence into the cow paddock alongside the course. We both climbed over the fence to look for her ball. I noticed a cow with its tail up and something white at the base of its tail. I walked across to have a closer look and realised that the cow had a golf ball stuck up it’s a*se. So I lifted the cow’s tail and called across to the wife: ‘This looks like yours, luv!’
“That’s when she hit me round the throat with her 5 iron.”
:D
Driver,
An oldie but a goodie. It came to mind seeing the picture of the tortoise. :D
Craig
A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday
morning. The first of the twosome teed off and watched in
horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the
next
hole. Indeed, the ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped
his
hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll
around in evident agony. The woman rushed down to the man and
immediately
began to
apologize. She said, "Please allow me to help. I'm
a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd
allow."
Ummph, oooh, nnooo, I'll be all right...I'll be fine in a few minutes"
he
replied breathlessly as he remained in
the fetal position still clasping his hands together at his crotch.
But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help him. She gently
took
his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his pants, and
she
put her hands inside. She began to massage him. She then asked him,
"How
does that feel?" To which he replied,
"It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell.