Jokes from court

The Judge admonished the witness, "Do you understand that you have sworn to tell the truth?"

"I do. "

"Do you understand what will happen if you are not truthful?"

"Sure, " said the witness. "My side will win. "

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The Judge asked the defendant, "Mr. Jones , do you understand that you have sworn to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?"

"I do. "

"Now what do you say to defend yourself?"

"Your Honor, under those limitations. . . nothing. "