Pilots & Air Traffic Controllers #2
A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long
roll out after touching down.
San Jose Tower: "American 751, make a hard right at the end of
the runway if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadelope
exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the
airport."
A Pan Am 727 flight, waiting for a start clearance in Munich,
overheard the following: "Lufthansa (in German) Ground, what
is our start clearance time?"
Ground: (in English) "If you want an answer, you must speak
English."
Lufthansa: (in English) "I am German, flying a German aircraft, in
Germany. Why must I speak English?"
Unknown voice from another plane (with a beautiful English accent)
"Because you lost the bloody war."
Tower: "Eastern 702 cleared for takeoff, contact departure on
frequency 124.7."
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By
the way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal
on the far end of the runway."
Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702,
contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report
from Eastern 702?"
Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, and yes
we copied Eastern. We've already notified out caterers."
The pilot of a Cherokee 180 had been told by the tower to hold
short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed,
rolled out, turned around and taxied back past the Cherokee.
Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio
and said, "What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by
yourself?"
The cherokee pilot, not to let an insult go by, came back with
a real zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing
like yours and I'll have enough parts for another one."
