Proper Narrative Descriptions

It has come to our attention from several emergency rooms that many file entries have taken a decidedly creative direction lately. Effective immediately, all members are to refrain from using slang and abbreviations to describe patients, such as the following.

1) Cardiac patients should not be referred to with PBS (pretty bad shape) or HIBGIA (had it before, got it again).

2) Trauma patients are not FDGB (fall down, go boom), TBC (total body crunch) or "hamburger helper." Similarly, descriptions of a car crash do not have to include phrases like "terminal deceleration syndrome."

3) HAZMAT teams are highly trained professionals, not "glow worms."

4) Persons with altered mental states as a result of drug use are not considered "pharmaceutically gifted."

5) Gunshot wounds to the head are not "trans-occipital implants."

6) And finally, do not refer to recently deceased persons as being "paws up," ART (assuming room temperature), CC (Cancel Christmas), or NLPR (no long playing records).