Campfire hints, how to avoid bludgers!

We often throw the tents on board and head off to a river somewhere and do a bit of fly fishing.
One of my pet hates is late in the evening, when the fire is going, some bastard(s) always arrives in a vehicle and wants to share YOUR fire.
They pinch your seat, drink your beer then bugger off never to be seen again.
SOLUTION.
Take a small hard covered book and leave near the fire, when said unwanted vehicle approaches stand up holding book in hand.
Vehicle arrives and occupant(s) get out.
The conversation usually goes along the lines of:
Gooday mate, owyergoin, 'Welcome friend, we are having a reading, please take a seat and join us'
Offer is generally declined and offending party leave at hurried rate never to be seen again.
Works for us.

You'll go straight to hell, but I like it :D

Others in no particular order:- Keep a Chad Morgan tape/cd handy. Without making eye contact with intruders start the chainsaw - full revs for 5 seconds, iddle for 2 - repeat as necessary waving chainsaw at imaginary monsters. Keep a nice green limb with plenty of green leaves near the fire - throw on whenever needed. Pull out the winch cable and cable off the area. Keep a soft drink or beer can full of chainsaw fuel handy, gently lob on fire when required.....

I am normal, I swear!
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All of these, including the Chad Morgan one, are fraught with danger and may result is serious injury or death........ blah, blah, blah.

Took a, mmmm friend, no, person camping once.
It started to rain like youve never seen before, well maybe you have, thunder lightnening, buckets and buckets.
Anyway, my son and I chucked up a tarp quick smart over the fire for the barby, which was a dismal one at that.
Then we ran around like headless chooks picking up firewood for tea, no we werent going to eat the wood, all the while this *&^***$ person sat under the fire tarp and drank stubbies.
https://www.ubeaut.biz/fyou.gif
Reeeeal cossy the mongral was, we ended eating the firewood because the fire slowly went out, its quet sad watching you only means of a cooked tea slowly die.
We didnt realy eat the fire, I just made that up.
I went to bed truely soaked.
Oh yeah, he aint comeing again.
This a true story, and no animals were hurt in the makeing of it.
Cheers, Allan

I just take along my banjo and if anyone tries to encroach, I get it out and start playing the theme from Deliverance. Then every now and then, I'll suddenly stop and say "did you guys just hear something squeal like a pig?". Works every time.