Now I Know What To Do During My Next Visit !!! ...
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to KMart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, my wife is like most women - - she loved to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local KMart.
Dear Mrs. Samsel,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. Our complaints against Mr. Samsel are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
1. June 15:
Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't Looking.
2. July 2:
Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7:
Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
4. July 19:
Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, "Code 3 in Housewares! Get on it right away! "
5. August 4:
Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on LayBy
6. August 14:
Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. August 15:
Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the Bedding department.
8. August 23:
When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9. September 4:
Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10:
While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked t he clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. October 3:
Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the Mission Impossibleт theme.
12. October 6:
In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of Funnels.
13. October 18:
Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!"
14. October 21:
When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed "OH, NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"
And last, but not least,
15. October 23:
Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!"
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Sorry, but we cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store.
Regards,
Tom Richards
KMart Manager
