Laughter In Court II

A few 'funnies' from court -

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravitas, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes
ATTORNEY: And in what way does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you
have forgotten?

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you kidd'in me?

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at the time?
WITNESS: Uh...I was gett'in laid!

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you kidd'in me? Your Honour, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started at around 8.30pm.
ATTORNEY: And Mr Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was
doing an autopsy on him.

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh... are you qualified to ask that question?

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?