Use this with care...

This bloke has a big night out with the boys, and when he finally makes it home, it's all a blur until he wakes up in the morning with a thumping hangover and a mouth like the bottom of a cocky's cage.

Expecting to be in real strife with the missus, imagine his surprise when there in the bedside table is a glass of water with a couple of aspirin. He pops them down, and is just thinking about getting up when in comes the wife, all sweetness and light, and asks if he'd like breakfast in bed or in the kitchen.

He gets up, has a shower, and goes back to the bedroom to find all his clothes laid out ready. Gets dressed, goes out and breakfast is all laid out...cereal, bacon, eggs & mushrooms, orange juice, toast, the works. His wife has left a note saying she had to go to work, but hopes he has a great day, loves him to death, looking forward to seeing him tonight.

By now, the bloke's starting to wonder if it's all some nasty trick she's pulling on him, so he asks his son if he know's what's going on. The son says all he knows is that the old man staggerd home about 3 a.m., sang 3 verses of 'Swing low sweet chariot', spewed in the hall, tripped and broke mum's favourite vase and splintered the coffee table, and then collapsed fully clothed on the bed..."...and when mum tried to get your strides off to get you into your pyjamas, you said 'Get away from me, you wanton harlot, I'm a happily married man!'"