Three men are sitting stiffly side by side on a long commercial flight.
> > After they're airborne and the plane has leveled off, the man in the
> > window seat abruptly says, distinctly and confidently, in a loud voice,
> > "
> > Admiral, United States Navy, retired. Married, two sons, both surgeons."
> >
> > After a few minutes the man in the aisle seat states through a tight
> > lipped smile, " Admiral , United States Coast Guard, retired. Married,
> > two sons, both Judges."
> >
> > After some thought, the fellow in the center seat decides to introduce
> > himself. With a twinkle in his eye he proclaims, " Master Gunnery
> > Sergeant, United States Marine Corps, retired. Never married, two sons,
> > both
> > Admirals.
> > --------------------------------------------------------------
> > During training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving down a muddy
> > back road encountered another jeep stuck in the mud with a red-faced
> > colonel at the wheel.
> > "Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside.
> > "Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys,
> > "Yours is."
> > ----------------------------------------------------------------
> > Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was
> > sitting at his desk when an airman knocked on the door.
> >
> > Conscious of his new position, the colonel quickly picked up the phone,
> > told the airman to enter, then said into the phone, "Yes, General, I'll
> > be
> > seeing him this afternoon and I'll pass along your message. In the
> > meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir." Feeling as though he had
> > sufficiently impressed the young enlisted man, he asked, "What do you
> > want?"
> >
> > "Nothing important, sir," the airman replied, "I'm just here to hook up
> > your telephone."
> > ----------------------------------------------------------------
> > Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
> > Soldier: "Sure, buddy."
> > Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again!
> > Do you have change for a dollar?"
> > Soldier: "No, SIR!"
> > ----------------------------------------------------------------
> > An Air Force chief master sergeant and a general were sitting in the
> > barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves,
> > when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces.
> >
> > The general shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will
> > think I've been in a whorehouse!"
> > The sergeant turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on me.
> > My wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like."
> > ------------------------------------------------------------- ---
> > "Well," snarled the tough old Navy chief to the bewildered seaman, "I
> > suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting
> > for me to die so you can come and pee on my grave."
> >
> > "Not me, Chief!" the seaman replied. "Once I get out of the
> > Navy, I'm never going to stand in line again!"
> > ----------------------------------------------------------------
> > The elderly American gentleman arrived in Paris by plane. At French
> > Customs, he fumbled for his passport.
> >
> > "You 'ave been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer
> > asked sarcastically. The old gent admitted that he had been to France
> > previously.
> > "Zen, you should know enough to 'ave your passport ready for
> > inspection."
> > The American said, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."
> > "Impossible. You Americans alwayz 'ave to show your passports on
> > arrival in France !"
> > The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly
> > explained, "Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach in '44 I couldn't
> > find any Frenchmen to show it to."
