Wank Words

Do you keep falling asleep during meetings?
Here’s something to change all that.
WANKwords
How to play:
Simply tick off 5 Wank Words as they are mentioned in one meeting and shout out BINGO! It’s that easy!

SYNERGIES
TAKE THAT OFFLINE
STRATEGIC FIT
AT THE END OF THE DAY
GAP ANALYSIS
BEST PRACTICE
BOTTOM LINE
CORE BUSINESS
LESSONS LEARNT
TOUCH BASE
REVISIT
GAME PLAN
BANDWIDTH
HARDBALL
SHOW STOPPERS
THE FULL 9 YARDS
BENCH MARKING
BIG PICTURE
VALUE ADDING
MOVERS & SHAKERS
BALL PARK
PROACTIVE NOT REACTIVE
WIN WIN SITUATION
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX
FAST TRACK
RUN IT UP THE FLAGPOLE
EMPOWER EMPLOYEES
MOVE GOAL POSTS
BREAD & BUTTER
RESULTS DRIVEN
SLIPPERY SLIDE
TICKS IN BOXES
MINDSET
KNOCK ON EFFECT
PUT THIS ONE TO BED
NO BLAME


TESTIMONIALS FROM OTHER PLAYERS:
“I had only been in the meeting 5 minutes when I yelled BINGO”
“My attention span at meetings has improved dramatically”
“It’s a breeze, meetings will never be the same for me after my first outright win”
“The atmosphere was tense at the last process workshop as 32 of us listened intently for the elusive fifth”
“The facilitator was gobsmacked as we all screamed bingo for the third time in 2 hours”
“People are even listening to mumblers thanks to WANKwords”
“Bonza! You could have cut the atmosphere with a cricket stump as we waited for the fifth delivery”

Bit late sport.

We've been playing this bingo for about 18 months. Takes about 2 minutes to score, mainly in the US. We used to only go to 3 on the list. That proved too easy, so we increased to 10.

You need to add a number of truisms and terms.

My particular favourite is:

"Our artillery shells are going long! Crossing the trenches and falling into no-mans land"

This gem from a faggy, US wanker marketing manager who brings us our favourite anti-virus product.

Bat where are you?

You've been reading the Victoria Police Communications Manual haven't you. :rolleyes:

Here's a few more I've encountered at work

paradigm shift
overarching and underpinning concept
capstone/keystone document
strategic business case
fundamental inputs to capbility
key stakeholders

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by DanP

You've been reading the Victoria Police Communications Manual haven't you. :rolleyes:

---

Isn't there a some sort class at the Police Academy where they teach these sort of phrases like "assisting us with our inquiries" ?

No. That's a special media course that's beyond the rank and file such as me. :rolleyes:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Dion N

1. strategic business case

2. key stakeholders

---

Damm I am writing 1 for delivery to 2 at the moment........:eek::eek::eek:

May have to add it to the bottom of the next presentation I do, and if anyone gets bingo they get a prize....:D:D

Bob,

Just a little one, but no list is complete without it......

"Lets not boil the ocean here, people"

What the hell does that mean, and what sort of halucinatory drug was he on when he thought that little beaut up??

The most embarassing thing is the wally who uses these without feeling embarassed about saying them.....at the end of the day.

Be careful out there, people.

Anthony

You forgot the most used,

Going forward:mad: :mad: :mad:

Cheers, Jack

In everyday usage, mainly by sports commentators:

Forward progress
Continuing on
Verse (should be versus, this ain't poetry)
The criteria (in the singular)
Darryl Eastlake - why doesn't someone shoot him? BAT....

AND:

Nice work people.

When your the only one in the room :confused:

Dan

An amusing one by a commentator some time ago, commentating the female weightlifting, "This lifter (can't remember name) has got a great snatch" :D:D:D:D:D

Wooden Luddite,

He was clearly an undersea smoker - one of those submarine volcanic vents belching hydrogen sulphide and other noxious gases.

Rocker

In the past I have had occasion to enter meetings and sit in agony as they "drill down" into a subject...... when I complained, I was talked down, which is nothing like drilling down, but feels similar....... but once I just had to crack it with the fine folk around me - the manager explained why they had to drill down - it was (of course) in order to "gain traction" FFS! I confronted them all to seriously think through what the hell they were saying and to STOP all the verbal gymnastics. At the end of the day, (which bloody day!!!!????) dejargonizing is a most worthy objective and as someone who works to do this for people, I feel strongly that the battle is far from won.

Especially in local government - I just read a bunch of funding submissions for a thing called "streetlife" a program to enhance the presentation and appeal of local strip shopping centres. All I can say is I recognized each word as English and understood none of them.

BTW my all time UNfavourite is "going forward" - which bright spark came up with that rubbish?

have fun! Or should I say, it is my fervent hope that you will derive extraordinary pleasure and satisfaction from embracing the day in all its natural and resilient splendour.

peace, brothers and sisters

this thread reminded me there are a bunch of ideas out there for how to ensure meetings go along smoothly. here are a couple:

Things to do in Office Meetings

1. Take notes in finger paint.

9. Spill coffee on the conference table. Produce a little paper boat and sail it down the table.

11. Complain loudly that your neighbor won't stop touching you. Demand that the boss make him/her stop doing it.

15. During a meeting, each time the boss makes an important point, (or at least one he/she seems to consider important), make a little noise like you are building up to an orgasm.

21. Take your temperature every so often with a candy thermometer.

27. At opportune times, stick an inhaler in your ear. Inhale deeply. MY FAVE