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Silent and Odourless
Lady Penelope Popham-Smythe visited Dr Nigel Mainwaring at his Harley Street rooms. The conversation went like this.
LPP-S. My dear Mainwaring I have a socially embarrassing habit.
Dr NM. Really? (raises his eyebrows)
LPP-S. Yes, I have started farting more often than usual. Of course they are both silent and odourless but I would like you to prescribe something to stop this embarrassing habit.
Dr NM. Of course Lady Penelope. Here take this prescription, follow the instructions and come back in a week.
One week later
LPP-S. Well Mainwaring those tablets were a fat lot of good. One is now farting like a brewery horse and the noise sends the fox-hounds whimpering behind the chiffonier. At least the farts are still odourless.
Dr NM. Ah, good we have fixed your hearing difficulties now we can start on your sinuses.
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In a similar vein........
Lady Penelope whatever at a social function lets loose a rather loud burst of flatulence, visibly embarassed she turns to her butler, 'James, stop that at once I say', James replies 'Certainly Ma'am, which way did it go'.
