The Golfing Minister

A Minister who LOVES his golf, goes out practically every day to play a few rounds of Golf.
One Sunday Morning, he wakes up and it's a perfect day,
no breeze, wind or clouds, just a beautiful blue sky.
He decides to take the day off and go play Golf.
He rings up his assistant and explains that he is most unwell,
and won't be able to do the Sermon today, the assistant replies, "No Problems."
So off goes the minister to the golf course, about 2 hours away, so no one will recognise him.
He get there, unloads his buggy and Clubs, and an Angel is watching him.
The Angel goes up to God and explains the predicament, and says to God,
"How will you punish him?" God replies, "Watch this"
The Minister is on the first T and tees off, slices into a tree and bounces the ball into the cup,
giving him a hole in one.
The Angel turns to God and says, "I thought you were going to punish him?"
God replies, "I am, watch this."
The Minister is on the T and tees off, slices into a sand trap bounces out and the ball rolls into the cup,
giving him a hole in one again,
This goes on all afternoon, all 18 holes, every shot a hole in one.
The Angel, infuriated says to God, "How is that punishment?"
God replies "Who's he going to tell?"

I am the world's worst fisherman. Other guys have taken me out a few times, then refused to take me again because, when I'm there no-one catches anything. I even went on a charter around Dunk Island from Mission Beach and listened to the captain say all day, "I don't understand. I've never been out before when no-one has caught anything".
However, when I was about 15 years old, I did catch 33 fish in the Murray River. The trouble was, I couldn't take them home. I had wagged school that day.