Oh to be Irish

Paddy calls Easyjet to book a flight. The operator asks "How many people are flying with you?"
Paddy replies "I don't know! It's your plane!"

Paddy and Murphy are working on a building site. Paddy says to Murphy "I'm gonna have the day off. I'm gonna pretend I'm mad!" He climbs up the rafters, hangs upside down and shouts "I'M A LIGHT BULB! I'M A LIGHT BULB!"
Murphy watches in amazement! The Foreman shouts "Paddy you're mad, go home" So he leaves the site.
Murphy starts packing his kit up to leave as well. "Where do you think you are you going?" asks the Foreman."
I can't work in the friggin' dark!" says Murphy.

Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night. She undresses, lies on the bed and says "You know what I want, don't you?"
"Yeah," says Paddy. "The whole bed by the looks of it!"

Paddy, the electrician, got sacked from the U.S. prison service for not servicing the electric chair.. He said in his professional opinion it was a death trap!

Paddy and his wife are lying in bed and the neighbours' dog is barking like mad in the garden.
Paddy says "To hell with this!" and storms off. He comes back upstairs 5 minutes later and his wife asks "What did you do?"
Paddy replies "I've put the dog in our garden. Let's see how they like it!"


Paddy is said to be shocked at finding out all his cows have Bluetongue. "Be Jeysus!" he said, "I didn't even know they had mobile phones!"


Mick and Paddy are reading head stones at a nearby cemetery. Mick says "Crikey! There's a bloke here who was 152!"
Paddy says "What's his name?"
Mick replies "Miles, from London !"