Marriage somewhat explained

A frustrated husband in front of his laptop :

dear google, please do not behave like my wife...
Please allow me to complete my sentence before you start guessing & suggesting


A married man's prayer :
Dear God, You gave me childhood, You took it away. You gave me youth, You took it away. You gave me a wife ... It’s been years now, just reminding You

A man brings his best buddy home for dinner unannounced at 5:30 after work. His wife begins screaming at him and his friend just sits and listens in.
"My hair & makeup are not done, the house is a mess, the dishes are not done, I'm still in my pyjamas and I can't be bothered with cooking tonight ! Why the hell did you bring him home for?"
Husband answers "Because he's thinking of getting married"

Employee : Sir You are like a lion in the office! What about at home ???
Boss : I am a lion at home too, But there we have a lion tamer !!!


A couple was having dinner at a fancy restaurant. As the food was served, the husband said, "the food looks delicious, let's eat."
Wife : honey ... you say prayer before eating at home.
Husband : that's at home sweetheart ... here the chef knows how to cook.



Best Slogan on a MAN's T-Shirt :
"Please Do Not Disturb me, I am Married and already very Disturbed"

My father once told me marriage was like an institution.
Who in their right mind want to live the rest of their life in an institution????:D

Don’t forget the three rings;

Engagement ring,
Wedding ring,
Suffering.

I was told that marriage boils down to giving away half your tucker to get the other half cooked.

The agreement.
I earn, she spends!

Just hope to earn more than she spends. :rolleyes:

My first wife and I had a 40/60 relationship, I'd earn 40 and she'd spend 60:?
Her nickname was "Hermitt" Her mitt was always in my wallet.
I can't remember which famous comedian said, that marriage was like buy a stranger a house!!!

I’m considering referring to my beloved as “Mastercard”.

Not that she’s a big spender, it’s just that she‘s up to 56 days interest free...

OK, Connie and I have been married 55 years this August.

Recently I had to take the behind the wheel of the driving test due to a detached retina. One of the things that the driving test people do is to distract you with conversation. After a bit of distracting conversation the driving test person asked "How have you managed to stay married for over 50 years?" As we were driving I answered, "When we got married, it was decided that the check book was 50/50. I make the deposits and she writes the checks." At that point the driving test person says, "I'm giving you a 95. We'll head back to the office and put in the forms for your new license."

Mates, it works rather well.