Cockpit Announcement

Shortly after a British Airways flight had reached its cruising altitude, the captain announced:
"Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain. Welcome to Flight 293, non-stop from London Heathrow to New York. The weather ahead is good, so we should have a uneventful flight.


So, sit back, relax, and... OH...MY GOD!"


Silence followed.......................


Some moments later, the captain came back on the intercom.


"Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm sorry if I scared you. While I was talking to you, a flight attendant accidentally spilled coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"


From the back of the plane, an Irish passenger yelled “For the luvva Jaysus you should see the back of mine!"

"Good morning passengers, this is a recorded message. Welcome aboard our completely automated aircraft. There is no pilot, the aircraft is controlled by a computer. We remind you that the aircraft is completely safe, and nothing can possibly go wrong (click) go wrong (click) go wrong..."

Not a joke, but a related true story. In '91 whilst on a long haul flight from Africa to Australia during the night the emergency tone suddenly sounded, the oxygen masks all dropped and the intercom informed us all in a loud voice that the aircraft was experiencing a sudden loss of cabin pressure and altitude. Most passengers had been sleepy, and I still vividly recall feeling very groggy and tugging really hard on the mask to get the oxygen to flow, which it never did.

When the warning had completed (probably 30 s or so, but fealt like an eternity) the Captain came over the intercom and apologised, noting that it was an eroniously triggered alarm, and he was unable to stop the message, so had to wait for it to complete before he was able to put us all at ease.

We completed the remaining several hours of the flight with oxygen mask spaghetti hanging from the cabin ceiling.

I can't imagine it would have been much fun for the flight and cabin crew either. Being confronted with your own mortality, then having to act the professional moments later. Hats off to them.

I was living in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania and had to support customers in Western New York State. (Rochester, Corning/Elmira)
I had trouble renting cars in Rochester because I would return them in Corning/Elmira. It was a hassle for the rental car company and if they knew the return was C/E, the car that they assigned was one step from the scrap yard.

I decided to fly into Corning/Elmira and rent the car there. The rental car company would be happy about that. The airline was Allegany which was acquired from Mohawk. If you remember, Mohawk had a habit of landing in the mountains of NY State, airport of not, it didn't matter.

So we take off from Pittsburgh in a prop Lectra (Made by Lockheed) with no tray tables in the seat backs. Breakfast was served as a Danish pastry wrapped tightly in some sort of plastic wrap. Finally, realizing that the pastry had to be consumed before coffee could be served, I consumed the pastry. Everyone in the aircraft is licking their fingers to get the sugary icing off and consuming coffee.

This flight was one of those, "Really?" flights.

The pilot comes on the intercom saying to put our seat belts on as we are about to land. It is obvious to everyone that we are 'Hill Topping' in our approach to the airport. Being that close to the ground, it was a rough approach. Then in one swift maneuver the pilot flies sideways about ¼ mile and touches down. All in one move. EVERYONE in the plane is looking at one another with wide open eyes and thinking the same thing. "We made it this time but they'll not get that chance again."

Thus, one of the great mysteries of the rental car business was solved. We now knew why so many rental cars were dropped off at Corning/Elmira but so few were rented. Those of us that had to do business in the Rochester - Corning/Elmira loop would fly out of C/E figuring that if the plane was on the ground in C/E it was OK to leave on that plane.