Some GROANERS

Thought I'd get in first!!:D

I think my wife has started to show the first signs of Alzheimer's...
She said she can't remember what she ever saw in me!


I went for a walk with a girl the other day. When she noticed me, we went for a run.


The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick.


She still isn't talking to me.


A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops.
On my desk, I have a workstation..


If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.


Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.


If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.


If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea… does that mean that one enjoys it?


The shinbone is a device used for locating furniture in a dark room.


A recent study has shown that women who carry a little extra weight,
live longer than the men who mention it.


If you ever see me out jogging, please kill whatever is chasing me.


I saw my wife, slightly drunk, yelling at the TV "Don't go in there!, don't go in the church you moron!"
She is watching our wedding video again.


On Monday we start diarrhea awareness week. It runs all week.


Dear Santa, I would like a new birthday suit this year.
My current one is old, wrinkled and sagging.


Did you hear about the burglar who fell into a cement mixer?
He was a hardened criminal


I am addicted to brake fluid, but I can stop whenever I want..


I have a bad inferiority complex, but it is not a very good one.


People tell me that I am quite condescending.
Lean in close "That means I talk down to people"


The other day I saw a sign that said "Watch For Children". I thought to myself, that sounds like a fair trade.


A gentleman gets home and is delighted when he finds out that all of his light bulbs have been stolen.


You'd have to be pretty low to pickpocket a midget.


Hey, I just realised that whiteboards are remarkable