A few more funnies

Teenagers, tired of being harassed by your parents? ACT NOW!!!!!!!!Move out, Get a job, pay your own way, whie you still know everything.

Aliens probably ride past Earth and lock their doors.

I asked the Librarian if the Library had any books on Paranoia?
She whispered "They're right behind you......."

If my kids knew there was a light in the oven, they'd leave that one on too.

She danced like nobody was watching.
But people were watching and she looked like bees were attacking her.

Most females won't answer video calls after 9pm because their face has been restored to factory settings.

I'm on two diets, I wasn't getting nearly enough food on just one.

It's not about how tired you are. It's about how tired you are making everyone else. A Father explaining about bedtime to his children.

So apparently RSVP'ing back to a wedding invite 'Maybe next time' isn't the correct response??

I think senility is going to be a smooth transition for me.

You're not fat! C'mon, chin up. No, the other one...

I'll never be able to send a RSVP again without a smile on my face.

Over 54 years ago, on the occasion of my second marriage. Besides the written list of six reasons why I shouldn't get married that my mother gave me about a week before the ceremony, she also said "Maybe next time." My soon to be MIL said to my bride, "I don't think that you'll go through with it so I'm not getting on an airplane."

Well we buried one and cremated the other.

The really funny thing is that MIL and I had a falling out and we didn't speak for about 35 years. Pure bliss BTW.

Text the one about senility to my daughter.
She responded.
" So smooth Dad. I thought you already had transitioned:U"

Must check my will !!!

One of my MIL's used to work for the local broom factory, her job was to test fly the brooms to see that they were safe.
I asked how did she manage to stop the wind blowing between her legs, she answered that she rode side saddle, because she was a lady!!!
Kryn

A mate had a waterfront unit and a few of us would gather for cool drinks on occasion.
My mate had the loudest laugh.
The old dear in the unit above didn’t appreciate it and used to bang on the floor.
Al recon’d she was trying to bump start her broom.
H.