My Son the Veterinarian

Every Sunday, a little old lady placed $1,000 in the collection plate.

This went on for weeks until the pastor, overcome by curiosity, approached her.

"Ma'am, I couldn't help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate," he stated.

"Why yes," she replied, "every week my son sends me money, and what I don't need I give to the church."

The pastor replied, "That's wonderful, how much does he send you?"

The old lady said, "Oh, $20,000 a week."

The pastor was amazed. "Your son is very successful, what does he do for a living?"

"He is a veterinarian," she answered.

"That is a very honorable profession," the pastor says. "Where does he practice? "

The old lady says proudly, "Well, he has two cat houses in Las Vegas and one in Reno."

Cat Haiku

You never feed me.
Perhaps I'll sleep on your face.
That will sure show you.

The rule for today
Touch my tail, I shred your hand.
New rule tomorrow.

Blur of motion, then-
silence, me, a paper bag.
What is so funny?

You're always typing.
Well, let's see you ignore my
sitting on your hands.

My small cardboard box.
You cannot see me if I
can just hide my head.

I want to be close
to you. Can I fit my head
inside your armpit?

Wanna go outside.
Oh, crap! Help! I got outside!
Let me back inside!

Humans are so strange.
Mine lies still in bed, then screams
My claws are not that sharp.

Cats meow out of angst
"Thumbs! If only we had thumbs!
We could break so much!"

The Big Ones snore now
Every room is dark and cold
Time for "Cup Hockey"

We're almost equals
I purr to show I love you
Want to smell my butt?our cat prozac fits the above profile

A Dead Duck. A woman brought a very limp duck into a veternary
surgeon.
As she lay her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his
stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said "I'm so sorry, your pet has passed away".
The distressed owner wailed, "are you sure?" "Yes I'm sure. The duck is dead" he replied.
"How can you be so sure", she protested.
"I mean, you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in
a coma or something". The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room.
He returned a few moments later with a black Labrador retriever.
As the ducks owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on the hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck
from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog and took it out and returned a few moments later with a beautiful cat. The cat jumped up on the
table
and also sniffed the bird from its beak to it tail and back again.
The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly, jumped down
and strolled out of the room. The vet looked at the woman and
said "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck". Then the vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys
and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman. The duck's owner, still in shock took the bill. "$150.00 - for WHAT!!" she cried "
$150.00, just to tell me that my duck is dead?!" The vet shrugged.
"I'm sorry. If you'de taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20.
But what with the Lab report and the Cat scan, it all adds up to $150.00". Corny I know but my son told me that one and iit gave me a laugh
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